Film Review: DEMOLITION MAN (1993, Marco Brambilla)

Stars: 3.75 of 5.
Running Time: 115 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes, Sandra Bullock, Benjamin Bratt, Glenn Shadix (BEETLEJUICE, SLEEPWALKERS), Denis Leary (TRUE CRIME, RESCUE ME), Nigel Hawthorne (GANDHI, FIREFOX), Andre Gregory (MY DINNER WITH ANDRE, THE LINGUINI INCIDENT), Troy Evans (THE LAWNMOWER MAN, UNDER SIEGE, ER), Bob Gunton (THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION, JFK). Bit parts by Jack Black and Jesse Ventura. Music by Elliot Goldenthal (HEAT, PUBLIC ENEMIES), cinematography by Alex Thomson (THE KEEP, LABYRINTH, EXECUTIVE DECISION), editing by Stuart Baird (director of EXECUTIVE DECISION, editor of SUPERMAN and LETHAL WEAPON), Directed by Marco Brambilla (DINOTOPIA, EXCESS BAGGAGE).
Tag-line: "In the year 2032, Simon Phoenix escapes from prison, on the verge of bringing crime to San Angeles. One man is called back to duty as a last resort. They call him... THE DEMOLITION MAN."
Best one-liner: "You're gonna regret this the rest of your life... both seconds of it!"

Picture this possibly fictitious scenario. It's Los Angeles in 1991. Sylvester Stallone broods in the flickering darkness of a movie theater screening TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY. Perhaps a single tear rolls down his cheek. Like Salieri, he knows that he can never adequately respond to this latest salvo in the Schwarzenegger/Stallone rivalry. But somewhere in the back of his mind, he thinks that if he could just have his own 'man waking up naked in a time that is not his own to fight an epically demonic foe' movie, maybe he could show the world that Stallone is not going down without a fight.

Two years later, we have DEMOLITION MAN. It does not approach the heights of T2, but what we have here is a frivolous but quotable action flick from the screenwriter of HEATHERS. (And the commentary on the futuristic "utopia," even when it reaches cornball levels, is always entertaining.)

There's a lot going on here:

Wesley Snipes is about as psychotically entertaining as a villain can be, despite the fact that his wardrobe looks culled from the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE movie.

Does that belong to Bebop? Perhaps Rocksteady?

(Jesse Ventura even gets in on the action. In a henchman's role which apparently possesses greater depth in the novelization.)

Denis Leary as a shaggy resistance member:

Bob Gunton playing a character which can only be referred to as the 'poor man's Donald Pleasence':

Glenn Shadix (R.I.P.) with a shock of white hair, a kimono, and that patented smarmy attitude which won the hearts and minds of everyone from HEATHERS and BEETLEJUICE fans to Tennessee Williams himself (!).

Greenhorn actor Andre Gregory is afforded the enviable opportunity to share some screen-time with Wesley Snipes:

And we're entreated to many fantastic tableaux of Snipes firing lasers, machine guns, etc. and Stallone diving for cover with that profound- yet familiar- expression etched upon his rubbery face.

YAHHHH

And, as far as the weirdly prescient references go in Stallone vs. Schwarzenegger movies, there are some odd ones here: "Scott Peterson" appears as a name in the criminal database years before his infamy, and there is a reference to the "Arnold Schwarzenegger Presidential Library" and the 61st Amendment which made his presidency possible. An ominous portent of things to come? (Schwarzenegger himself seeks presently to overturn the constitutional clause that would prevent foreign-born nationals from becoming president...)

I'm unsure what more you could even hope to get out of DEMOLITION MAN. Nearly four stars.

-Sean Gill

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Film Review: TERROR IN A TEXAS TOWN (1958, Joseph H. Lewis)

Stars: 4.5 of 5.
Running Time: 81 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Sterling Hayden (THE KILLING, THE GODFATHER, DR. STRANGELOVE, THE ASPHALT JUNGLE), Nedrick Young (SECONDS, HOUSE OF WAX, writer of THE DEFIANT ONES, JAILHOUSE ROCK), Sebastian Cabot (THE TIME MACHINE, narrator of WINNIE THE POOH cartoons), Carol Kelly (DANIEL BOONE, TRAIL BLAZER; SUGARFOOT), Victor Millan (TOUCH OF EVIL, SCARFACE '83, GIANT), Frank Ferguson (JOHNNY GUITAR; HUSH, HUSH SWEET CHARLOTTE), Marilee Earle (THE FEARMAKERS, ISLAND WOMEN). Written by Dalton Trumbo (blacklisted writer, famed for SPARTACUS, ROMAN HOLIDAY, JOHNNY GOT HIS GUN, PAPILLON, EXODUS). Directed by Joseph H. Lewis (GUN CRAZY, THE BIG COMBO, PRIDE OF THE BOWERY, and RETREAT, HELL!).
Tag-lines: "When the Texas Plains Ran With Blood and Black Gold!"
Best one-liner: "Yes, I have killed many whales."

Let me give you the rundown:

The title: TERROR IN A TEXAS TOWN. Solid, solid alliteration. Something like TEXAS TERRORS or TERROR IN TEXAS would have been enough. And yet they went the extra step. TERROR IN A TEXAS TOWN. And yet something like TROUBLE N' TERROR IN TALCO, A TINY BUT TOUGH TEXAS TOWN would have been too much. The makers experienced exhiliration and exercised restraint. I respect that. (And readers of this site will note how much I appreciate alliteration in a movie title!)

The director: B-movie legend, Joseph H. Lewis. AKA "Wagon Wheel Joe" due to his propensity for filming shots through a wagon wheel whenever he had the opportunity. When asked about his early days as a B-Western helmer, he said "I carried a box filled with different wagon wheels. Whenever I'd come to a scene which was just disgraceful in dialogue and all, I'd place a wagon wheel in one portion of the frame, and make an artistic shot out of it, so by the time the scene was over you only saw the artistic value and couldn't analyze what the scene was about." Well, none of the scenes here are disgraceful, but, as old habits die hard, there are a lot of wagon wheels. Incredibly prolific (he directed nearly forty features from 1937-1958), he's best known for his contributions to film noir (SO DARK THE NIGHT, MY NAME IS JULIA ROSS, THE BIG COMBO, GUN CRAZY, A LADY WITHOUT A PASSPORT, CRY OF THE HUNTED, THE UNDERCOVER MAN), but his masterpiece might just be TERROR IN A TEXAS TOWN, the final feature he ever completed before moving on to a seven-year-long career in (mostly Western) television, ultimately retiring from directing in 1967.

The star: Sterling Hayden.

Ran away from home at age 15 to be a sailor– he was a ship's boy on a California-bound schooner, a Newfoundland fisherman, and a ship's fireman in Cuba. By 22, he'd sailed the world many times over, and by 24 he was a print model and a Paramount contract player christened "The Beautiful Blond Viking God" and "The Most Beautiful Man in the Movies." When the Second World War began, he enlisted as a private, became an OSS operative, parachuted into Yugoslavia, and won the Silver Star. Post-war, he resumed acting, playing notable roles in THE ASPHALT JUNGLE, THE KILLING, SUDDENLY, JOHNNY GUITAR, CRIME WAVE, and THE STAR. Acting, to Hayden, became a necessary evil- a way to earn a quick buck so he could fund his globe-trotting, seafaring, extracurricular activities.

So to play an ex-whaler, harpoon-slinging, lionhearted, 'fish-out-of-water' hero in TERROR IN A TEXAS TOWN is actually no kind of a stretch, whatsoever. (The Swedish accent, on the other hand...)

With many of the major players (writer Dalton Trumbo, stars Sterling Hayden & Nedrick Young) having personally clashed with Joseph McCarthy, it's little surprise to see that the plot revolves around the little man versus the behemoth: a rich shitheel illegally buys up a town and its sheriff so that he can easily steal the oil reserves beneath it. His henchmen intimidate, coerce, and murder those honest citizens who oppose him. A callow, doe-eyed Sterling Hayden (playing a Swede!- i.e., "I yuh-nderstand American yuh-stice, too") arrives in town to learn that his father was murdered only days before.

Optimistic Hayden.


Despondent Hayden.

Adrift in a foreign land and imbued with the same kind of fatalistic broken-English charm that Bruno S. would later exude as STROSZEK, he soon learns how things really work in America, who owns who (the sheriff says "No foreigner's gonna come in here and tell me how to run my job!"), why everyone's afraid to make a stand, and how anyone who makes a stand is quickly abandoned by their buddies and left to a gruesome fate... but maybe, just maybe, he can take up his dead father's harpoon and dispense some high-seas justice in the low-down Wild West. Joseph H. Lewis was advised against taking up the project because of the communist ties amongst the film's personnel and the picture's anti-establishment message, and curiously, he was never permitted to make another feature after this. Coincidence?

Regardess, this movie could easily be retitled (though it'd ruin the alliteration) to "STERLING HAYDEN SEZ: NO MORE BULLSHIT."

Sterling Hayden says "No more bullshit" in 1950's-safe language.


Sterling Hayden EXUDES 'no more bullshit.'

The men he goes up against are corporate oilman Sebastian Cabot (the narrator in the WINNIE THE POOH cartoons) and black-clad hired gun Nedrick Young (a blacklisted screenwriter and brilliant actor who's best described as part Richard Boone, part Claude Akins, and part Martin Landau).


Young schemes as Cabot polishes off an entire platter of lobster.

"As long as there men like you, there'll be plenty of work for men like me," says Young's murderous 'Johnny,' who's described as "death walking around in the shape of a man." The character of Johnny, as well as his relationship with Cabot's robber baron, were clearly an enormous influence on Sergio Leone's ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST- particularly the dynamic between Henry Fonda's 'Frank' and Gabriele Ferzetti's 'Morton,' right on down to the former having a businessman's aspirations after a career of hired killing. Like Frank, Johnny is an extraordinarily complex character, at times revealing himself capable of compassion, restraint, and self-reflection. Like Richard Boone's baddie in THE TALL T, you see the brutality which they mete out, firsthand- yet you sense the tortured soul, the man who begrudingly justifies his evil as a form of a survival.


Hayden tries to secure a claim on his late father's land, but comes up against the machine that is 'small-town law enforcement in a rich man's pocket.' He befriends some locals, including the young Pepe (Eugene Mazolla) and his family, which leads to the following exchange:

Pepe: "Have you killed whales?"
Sterling Hayden: "Yeh-yus. I have killed many whales-uh."
Pepe's sister: "Mister– (Pepe interrupts) I was talking to him, Pepe!"
Pepe: "Girls don't know anything about whales!"
Sterling Hayden: "Aw, now wait a minute, Pep-eh. Girls know something about al-most everything. Pear-haps even more than you and I-uh."

Hayden's making headway, but the oil magnate and his thugs- not wanting a revolution on their hands- fuck with his shit, rip up his mother's heirloom nightie, beat him down, and send him away on a train out of town. They depend on FEAR ruling the heard. But I can't comment on whether or not Sterling returns and faces off with his tormentors in an epic showdown...


In all, it's as terrific and rip-roaring a genre picture as you'd assume from the logline ("Harpoon-slinging Sterling Hayden avenges father's death!"), but it's an extremely well-written, well-acted, and well-put together film- a B-Western that stands tall amongst its A-list contemporaries- John Ford, Anthony Mann, Howard Hawks, and the like. Nearly five stars.

-Sean Gill

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Film Review: SHAKES THE CLOWN (1991, Bobcat Goldthwait)

Stars: 3.75 of 5.
Running Time: 87 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Bobcat Goldthwait, Tom Kenny (HOW I GOT INTO COLLEGE, the voice of SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS), Adam Sandler, Robin Williams, Kathy Griffin, Julie Brown (BLOODY BIRTHDAY, EARTH GIRLS ARE EASY), Paul Dooley (DEATH WISH, SIXTEEN CANDLES), Florence Henderson, LaWanda Page (ZAPPED!, Aunt Esther on SANFORD AND SON). Costumes by Stephen M. Chudej (WEDLOCK, RAISING ARIZONA, TAPEHEADS, ANGEL TOWN).
Tag-line: "Loved by children. Desired by women. Adored by bartenders everywhere."
Best one-liner: "You didn't see nothing old man. We're just five happy party clowns, sitting down to a plate of beef. White, powdery, beef." or maybe "Shakes- take a bath, will ya?"

Shakes the Clown. SHAKES THE CLOWN. He's here, he's in your space, he's in your face, he's crashin' at your place, and it's just too late to do anything about it. He already drank half your beers, soiled your sheets, and has intimately acquainted himself with your lavatory. I guess this is par for the course when you live in Palookaville, U.S.A. and choose to tussle with the crass, colorful, 'n caddish clown cliques. But Shakes is the best of 'em. He's our hero.

MYTH: To quote Martin Scorsese (!), SHAKES THE CLOWN is the CITIZEN KANE of substance-abusing clown movies.
FACT: SHAKES THE CLOWN is the FRANKENHOOKER or substance-abusing clown movies.

Taking place in an irreverent, psuedo-noirish universe, SHAKES THE CLOWN is Bobcat Goldthwait's satire on the catty cabal that was L.A.'s stand-up comedy scene in the late 80's and early 90's, though I feel as if it could certainly be applied to just about any bitchy subculture, with in-crowds, unnecessary intrigue, watery self-importance, and behavior becoming of twelve-year-old girls. Shakes (Bobcat himself) is having a hard time dealing with the pressure, the drama, the drug abuse, the schoolyard antics- and so he lives on the fringe, an alcoholic clown with low self-esteem and a penchant for swirling around the bottom of the barrel.

Our film begins with a dog- clad in a paper party hat- scarfing down some congealed, day-old pizza as a record skips interminably in the background. A floozy (Florence Henderson!) with smeared lipstick and a torn slip is passed out on a couch amidst a sea of empty beer bottles.

And is that a lei?

A groggy child wanders by on his way to the bathroom, and, failing to espy Shakes' comatose body on the tiled floor, lets loose with a stream of urine which, naturally, showers Shakes' face in a demeaning, grotesque display.

You are on the same page as Shakes- distraught, befuddled, wondering how it's come to this. We're less than two minutes in, Shakes is hitting the bottle, and you don't blame him. You can't blame him. What a world. Next, he's applying his whiteface in a ramshackle, yellowed gas station restroom, ready to zip off to some kid's birthday party. A game of hide-and-go-seek becomes an opportunity to raid the liquor cabinet.

It's like a circus-tinged version of WITHNAIL & I. In an era where comedies were becoming a little too self-aware, too awkwardly 'dark,' and too self-congratulatory, SHAKES THE CLOWN is that rare early 90's black comedy that (mostly) works! Though Bobcat is not above introducing the occasional groan-inducing misfire of a joke or setpiece, it's imbued with a genuine slice-of-life sincerity that sees it through.

You want zany saxophone action? You got it. You want a brutal double low-blow delivered to nettlesome clown flunkies? Comin' right up.

You want Kathy Griffin? A peculiar request, but SHAKES THE CLOWN is ready and willing to oblige you.

You want clown-on-mime violence? All yours. Paul Dooley beaten to death by dope-addled clowns? Knock yourself out. One-liners like, "I bet you were a big hit in lock-up...your checkered pants around your ankles..." We aim to please. THIS tableau?:

It's all here. How generous of you, SHAKES THE CLOWN- you're a veritable cornucopia of clown-related oddities and horrors.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll cringe: "Everybody loves a clown...so why don't I?" Shakes spends a great deal of the film hanging with his buddies (including a surprisingly bearable 1991 Adam Sander!) and deflecting their attempts at intervention. On one such occasion, while touring the town in a convertible, Shakes deflects their admonishment by offering everyone beers, which leads to a Kenny Loggins-style montage set to a tune named "Me and the Boys" (See also: TOP GUN's "Playin' with the Boys").


Again and again, he's confronted regarding his alcohol problem and diffuses the situation by offering dudes beers, or by raising a toast to sobriety.

Then, despite mounting obstacles relating to substance abuse, Shakes is framed for the murder of a mentor by Tom Kenny's diabolical Binky, which leads to Shakes' undercover stint as a mime aerobics instructor alongside (again, surprisingly bearable for 1991) Robin Williams who went uncredited in his typically loopy role.

Possibly the only scene in film history to combine these two favorite diversions: Bobcat Goldthwait and PERFECT.

But I must take a moment to speak about Tom Kenny's performance as the villainous Binky.

The man, usually confined to voice-over roles (like SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS), is a very physical actor with a great look- clearly he was destined to one day play a venemous clown baddie. And he plays it with ghoulish, snakelike, irresistible aplomb- tossing knives, doin' dope, and laughing boisterously for the duration. He is the self-assured, monstrously Machiavellian clown of your nightmares- so get ready for some sleepless nights.

The technical elements are very strong, too: Stephen M. Chudej's candy-colored costume design heightens the almost otherworldliness of this noirish carnival, Bobby Bukowski and Elliot Davis' cinematography is as wide-angled and disorienting as an inebriate clown's night on the town, and Tom Scott's musical score is sax-heavy and down n' dirty (or is that redundant?).

And in one final side note, I must point out a detail which I really appreciated- during the "This is a rodeo clown bar, and you ain't rodeo clowns!" scene, the sign at the bar- 'The Broken Saddle' is accentuated by an actual man in a barrel, raising and lowering himself mechanically so as to appear like an animatronic.

It adds the proper bit of eerie, Lynchian flair to the scene and really pulls it all together. Anyway- and make sure you're sitting down, I suppose- for the reasons I've outlined, I have to give SHAKES THE CLOWN nearly four stars. Let the outcry commence!

-Sean Gill

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From the set of SLUMLORD SHITHEEL SLAUGHTER

Here are the first cryptic screencaps from my forthcoming 'tenants vs. landlords'-zero-budget actioner, SLUMLORD SHITHEEL SLAUGHTER.



(You can click on the pics for a larger view.) There'll be more news to come in the following weeks, but the picture is certainly underway, with piecemeal shooting continuing through October. My 'mission statement' for the film can be found HERE.

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Film Review: THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM (1991, Stuart Gordon)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 97 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Lance Henriksen (ALIENS, THE TERMINATOR, NEAR DARK), Mark Margolis (THE WRESTLER, PI), Jeffrey Combs (RE-ANIMATOR, CASTLE FREAK), William J. Norris (brilliant Chicago theater actor), Stephen Lee (WARGAMES, DOLLS, GHOULIES III), Frances Bay (BLUE VELVET, TWIN PEAKS: FIRE WALK WITH ME, IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS), Rona de Ricci, Jonathan Fuller (CASTLE FREAK, CAMPFIRE TALES). Music by Richard Band (TERRORVISION, GHOULIES, PUPPET MASTER). Written by Dennis Paoli (RE-ANIMATOR, GHOULIES II, THE DENTIST), and loosely based on some of the writings of Edgar Allen Poe.
Tag-lines: "A bizarre descent into hell from the creator of RE-ANIMATOR."
Best one-liner: "What are you doing here? Why don't you go torture some heretics!"

How's it goin', Full Moon? It's been a long time. Come to torment me with more mediocre, direct-to-video genre cinema, have ye? Come to fool me into thinking I've rented PHANTASM? Cause if I squint my eyes and look at the cover, that's what it looks like. And if I had no idea what talents were involved, I think I'd have to assume- best case scenario- that the film within is something along the lines of 'PUPPET MASTER III meets DRAGONWORLD.' But lo and behold: THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM is a damned solid flick. I mean, it's not quite as good as Dreyer's LA PASSION DE JEANNE D'ARC, but it probably burns at least three times as many heretics, and in blazing Technicolor!

Actually, that was a lie, it just sounded better to say "in blazing Technicolor" than "in a murky 35mm-to-VHS transfer."

Now the first thing that's going to surprise you is the fact that this film appears, in fact, to have a budget of some kind. Estimated to have been made for only two million dollars, I find that to be pretty impressive. I mean, after craft services, extras, airfare, buying location access to a bona fide Italian castle, paying Stuart Gordon, semi-intricate period costuming, complex gore effects, retaining some recognizable actors, building a Pit and a Pendulum out of something sturdier than balsa wood– that seems like it would cost a lot of 1991 dollars. So I'm wondering exactly how much went to Lance Henriksen (to get him to prepare, fly him out, have him act for a few weeks, have him on call in case they need dubbing, pick-ups, etc.)?

It can't have been toooo much, the whole goddamn budget was $2 million. Let's pick an arbitrary figure- let's say that he commanded $150,000: 7.5% of the budget, which I think is a semi-reasonable guess given the costs of everything else. That would be for- let's say 6 weeks of hassle in all. Might have been more, might have been less. Does that mean that if I scraped together $3,500, I could get Lance Henriksen to hang out at my apartment for a day? And that $3,500 is what he'd normally earn for some grueling work- shaving his head into a whacky monk's tonsure, getting whipped, pouring his heart into his work, etc.

So it wouldn't even be demeaning to just hang out with him for half the day, shoot the shit, drink some beers... and then I could reasonably ask him to maybe do some light housework for the second half, maybe he could do some dishes while we discuss SURVIVAL QUEST. Time to start saving, I guess.

What was I talking about? Ah yes, THE PIT AND THE PENDULUM. Gordon and Dennis Paoli weave together the Spanish Inquisition, "The Pit and the Pendulum," "The Cask of Amontillado," "The Premature Burial," and a smattering of other Edgar Allen Poe elements into one big Medieval frenzy of swashbucklery, supernatural horror, and Gothic torture.


The plot concerns two innocents (originally cast as Billy Dee Williams and Sherilyn Fenn!) -

a breadmaker and his pious wife, played by Jonathan Fuller and Rona de Ricci- who are inadvertently swept up into a world of imprisonment, torture, and autos de fé. A gang of terrific character actors comprise the Inquistion, including Lance Henriksen (as Torquemada himself- a part originally intended for Peter O'Toole!), Jeffrey Combs, Mark Margolis (whose old crucifixion wounds are continually fingered by Lance), William J. Norris (who plays the Doctor with Paul Bartel-style flair), and Stephen Lee (who evinces dunderheaded charm). Additionally, they almost seem to directly prefigure the posse of colorful tormentors in Gordon's 2003 KING OF THE ANTS.

Of the crew, Henriksen gets the most screen time and by gum, does he make the most of it. He might be having a ball beneath that bitter, hardened exterior, but you really can't tell. The man looks like he is in genuine, diabolical agony for the duration.

He's not some cardboard cutout Inquisition villain- he's an anguished soul, scourged by his own spiritual hang-ups and ambigious sexual repressions, and he finds his outlet in pure, unfettered, self-serving sadism. He's got a weird SALÓ-style torture peephole and a Sword of Damocles installed in his quarters. He's got a Virgin Mary fetish and a hard-on for gettin' flagellated ("Flog me!"). Gordon's pulling out all the stops and the Catholicism clichés, all the way down to the (Buñuel-inspired?) crucifix dagger.

At one point, he screams, "NO ONE ESCAPES! NO ONE!!!" followed by a nearly endless recitation of "KILL HIMs." He must scream "KILL HIM!!!" about three thousand times in this movie, and every time ya hear it, it's just as fresh as the first time.

There's definitely an element of 'Inquisition-sploitation' to this picture, and when the innocent young maiden is stripped down and scrutinized by these ecclesiastical clowns, Henriksen must react.

What would you have him do, as a director? Go the hackneyed route? Have him twirl a mustache, or giggle lasciviously? Have him lick his lips, or look her up and down with the 'ole pervy once-over? Well, let's see what Lance Henriksen decided on:

Now that is an acting choice, ladies and gentlemen. Look at him. Does he even know they're making a movie? At this point in time, measured by the medium as 1/24th of a second, can we say for sure that there's a difference between Lance Henriksen and Tomás de Torquemada?... It's not for me to say. But goddamn, it's one hell of a performance. And he should have earned the first Oscar nomination to be affiliated with a Full Moon picture.

While not living up to Henriksen's sheer intensity, Jeffrey Combs manages to steal a little bit of the spotlight in his role as Francisco, the Inquisition's resident bookworm. Looking sort of like a Medieval Encyclopedia Brown, Combs is outfitted with a pageboy wig, some spectacles worthy of Mr. Peabody, and a demeanor that seems truly alien to us 21st Centurians.

Allow me to explain: as the film progresses, it becomes clear that Combs studied artwork contemporaneous to the Inquisition and painstakingly emulated the poses found therein. The rigidity, the arm movements, the way he peers into a book or disdainfully regards a potential "witch."

Though it doesn't call for a great deal of movement, it's an extremely physical role, and Combs makes it extremely memorable.

There's a meaty role by Lynch's favorite scary old lady, Frances Bay, as an actual witch captured by the Torquemada.

Bay is guaranteed to bring 'blood-curdlingly off-kilter' and 'adorable old lady' elements to her performances, and her "Esmerelda" here is no exception. She gets tortured, dispenses Obi-Wan Kenobi-style spiritual guidance, sounds off with wacky one-liners, and faces her stake-burning fate with gunpowder-gobbling panache (which leads to an... explosive payoff).

Stephen Lee and Mark Margolis waterboard Frances Bay.


Believe in yourself and you can overcome anything!

Just when you think you've seen it all, the Cardinal arrives to put the kibosh on Torquemada's brutality. I did a spit-take when he arrived, because, much to my surprise, the Cardinal was played by THE DEVILS' own Oliver Reed!!! He stumbles in, par for the course, swigging from a flask and mumbling in an accent that bears some similarity to that of an inebriated Italian chef.

He's all about shutting down Torquemada's operation, giggling somewhat malevolently, and murmuring things like "No-a, I tell you, I have-a de seal of de Pope!" When Torquemada offers him a few snifters from this schweet, aged cask of Amontillado, do you really think that Oliver Reed refuses?

SCHLERP

One thing leads to another, and- well, if you have any familiarity with Poe, you know how it turns out. Suffice it to say that Ollie Reed was- however fleeting- an unexpected pleasure. Full Moon, you continue to surprise me. Anyway, we finally get to that eponymous Pit and Pendulum around an hour and fifteen minutes in, and some satisfying (although fairly predictable) payoffs ensue.

I'm giving this movie four stars. I'm fairly certain it's actually a crime in some states to assign a Full Moon picture a rating such as this, but let's just run with it. For another Full Moon/Stuart Gordon/Jeffrey Combs/literary adaptation that's far better than it has any right to be, check out CASTLE FREAK.

-Sean Gill

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