Film Review: BUNNY O'HARE (1971, Gerd Oswald)

Stars: 1.5 of 5.

Running Time: 102 minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew: Bette Davis (DARK VICTORY, ALL ABOUT EVE), Ernest Borgnine (FROM HERE TO ETERNITY, ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK), John Astin (THE ADDAMS FAMILY, EERIE INDIANA), Jack Cassidy (THE EIGER SANCTION, MR. MAGOO'S CHRISTMAS CAROL), Joan Delaney (THE PRESIDENT'S ANALYST, DON'T DRINK THE WATER), and Jay Robinson (SHAMPOO, Coppola's DRACULA).  Written by Stanley Z. Cherry (PETTICOAT JUNCTION, THE MANY LOVES OF DOBIE GILLIS) and Coslough Johnson (THE SONNY AND CHER COMEDY HOUR, SHE-RA, HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE).  Produced by Samuel Z. Arkoff (ROLLING THUNDER, THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES, DILLINGER '73, EARTH VS. THE SPIDER, THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN).

Tag-line:  "ENJOY those Golden Years with the most profitable pension plan any sweet little mother ever devised!
Best one-liner:  "SCREW 'EM!"

"Heya, bud– you wanna see a terrible movie?"
–"Not particularly."
"How's about a terrible movie with Bette Davis?"
–"I already saw RETURN FROM WITCH MOUNTAIN."
"How's about a terrible movie with Bette Davis and Ernest Borgnine?"

–"Well..."
"Look at 'em smiling.  Come on."
–"Well..."
"How's about a terrible movie with Bette Davis and Ernest Borgnine where they play geriatric bank robbers... who dress up as hippies and tool around on a motorcycle so as not to get caught?"

–"Alright, you win– now there's no way I'm not watching that."
"I thought so, you sick bastard."
–"So wait... what is this again?"
"It's a Samuel Z. Arkoff American International shit-storm that's so cheap and desperate and awful that despite the presence of major Hollywood stars from the Golden Era, it doesn't even feel like a 'real movie,' ever."
–"Uh..."
"Also, there's an overwhelming, zany harmonica-laden soundtrack and some chase sequences worthy of Benny Hill."

–"Er...what?"
"Okay.  So imagine this:  Bette Davis plays an unappreciated older mother whose deadbeat kids are allowing the bank to foreclose on her home ("THIS IS MY HOUSE YOU CAN'T KNOCK IT DOWN!!!"),

only one of the dudes tearing her plumbing apart happens to be ex-bank robbing legend Ernest Borgnine, and so he and Ms. Bette strike up a December-December romance and vow revenge on the banks."

–"He's taking her toilet?"
"Yeah.  And did I mention that one of said deadbeat kids is played by the legendary John Astin, seen here wearing a wicked, rainbow-colored 70s smoking jacket?"

–"Okay...?"
"It's anti-bank message is certainly admirable, and it really tries for a late 60s counter-culture vibe, but it simply can't escape the blockheaded 'geriatric BONNIE AND CLYDE' gimmickry."

–"Why am I supposed to be watching this?"

"Well, of course it all leads up to the emotionally satisfying and semi-nude payoff of Ernest Borgnine digging a bullet out of Bette Davis' shoulder."

–"Can I leave now?"
"No.  If you've come this far, you should at least stay for the finale, whereupon Bette hangs up on both of her needy children and utters the sheer poetry of...

"SCREW 'EM!"

And from the look of her expression afterward, I think it's pretty evident that this sentiment is simultaneously aimed at the filmmakers!"

–"Oh.  Uh, why am I here again?"

"I don't know.  Because we have no standards?"

–"Well apparently, neither do Davis and Borgnine."

"We all gotta eat, brother..."

 –Sean Gill

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Only now does it occur to me... BLOOD BATH

Only now does it occur to me... that Sid Haig has played basically every ethnicity, at one time or another.

BLOOD BATH is a fairly terrible, but fairly watchable Roger Corman clusterfuck with an exceptionally convoluted production history that involved a Yugoslavian spy thriller, a Venice Beach-set vampire flick, co-financing by Roger Corman and Stephanie Rothman, co-direction by the legendary Jack Hill (COFFY, THE BIG BIRD CAGE, SPIDER BABY, FOXY BROWN) and Rothman, music (predictably) stolen from DEMENTIA 13, and all sorts of other random and bewildering things.  You can read about the absurdly labyrinthine twists and turns of the production here.

Also, it features one of the worst-looking vampires ever:

But that's not the point of this entry– the point is the hilarious spectrum of quasi-ethnic roles that have been played by Sid Haig.  Here, he plays a beatnik named "Abdul the Arab."

  
 Haig (far right) in a well-constructed community theater vest)

Haig (second from left) placing a close 2nd in the scene-chewing contest of this particular tableau

From what I've read, he's actually Armenian-American, but in other fine films he's played Hispanic (THE FIREBRAND, IRON HORSE, THE FLYING NUN, CHE!, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE), Native American (DANIEL BOONE), Italian (THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E., DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE), Turkish (GET SMART, OHARA), Arabian (BLOOD BATH, THE DON IS DEAD, SWITCH, FANTASY ISLAND, MACGUYVER),  Russian (MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE), South American Indian (THE FORBIDDEN DANCE IS LAMBADA), Ambiguous Asian (BRING 'EM BACK ALIVE), and just plain "Swarthy" (MISFITS OF SCIENCE).  And I'm certain there's dozens I've missed or haven't seen.  Whew! Well done, Mr. Haig– you truly are a one man "It's a small world (after all)."

–Sean Gill

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Film Review: TRUCK TURNER (1974, Jonathan Kaplan)

Stars: 5 of 5.
Running Time: 91 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Isaac Hayes (ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, I'M GONNA GIT YOU SUCKA), Yaphet Kotto (BLUE COLLAR, ALIEN, FREDDY'S DEAD, BONE), Scatman Crothers (THE SHINING, FRIDAY FOSTER), Dick Miller (GREMLINS, BUCKET OF BLOOD), Alan Weeks (SHAFT, BLACK BELT JONES), Nichelle Nichols ('Uhura' on STAR TREK), Charles Cyphers (DEATH WISH II, HALLOWEEN, THE FOG), Matthew Beard ('Stymie' from THE LITTLE RASCALS!). Music by Isaac Hayes.
Tag-lines: "Black, bold, and bloody mean!"
Best one-liner: "Anybody ask you what happened, tell 'em you been hit by a truck: Mac 'Truck' Turner!"

If Jack Hill's COFFY is Queen of the Blaxploitation flick, then TRUCK TURNER is King. Originally designed as a Robert Mitchum (!), and then a James Coburn (!!) vehicle, one thing led to another and American International modified it to fit the mold of their other, 'urban' successes like SLAUGHTER, BLACK CAESAR, HELL UP IN HARLEM, et al. It becomes a wild sprint from start to finish- outrageous fashions, hostile language, splurting bullet wounds, and sassy, sassy tambourines.

Isaac Hayes IS "Mac 'Truck' Turner."

What he lacks in acting chops, he makes up for in sheer badassery and wanton cheekiness. The film begins with a very 'Philip Marlowe'-style scene (suddenly the Mitchum connection makes a little more sense). Our charmingly disreputable hero wakes up in his ramshackle L.A. apartment. His cat trots around, playfully. He moves to put on a shirt. It's the place where Marlowe would say something witty and sardonic about the previous night's exploits. Instead, we have: "Francis, I forgot to feed you last night. I'm sorry about that––YOU PISSED ON MY SHIRT! My last goddamned shirt! You punkass son of a bitch! Get your ass offa here!" And he tosses the cat off the bureau.

"You punkass sonofabitch!"

Whew. I think it's safe to say that in the alternate universe where I control the outcome of the Oscars, this would've at least won Best Screenplay. We got an obligatory women's prison scene; Scatman Crothers as a semi-retired pimp who enjoys Créme de Menthes while reclining on wicker furniture on a well-manicured lawn:

a pimp's funeral that involves a procession of increasingly ludicrous costumes (a sequined eye-patch! a rainbow clown wig!):



the most pleasantly surprising hospital scene until BREAKIN' 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO:

The sharp-eyed viewer will note that Yaphet Kotto has taken a toddler hostage, then in a display of gratuitous violence knocks over a porter and a wheelchair-bound man– just for the hell of it!

and an oddly transcendent death scene that makes me wonder if Terrence Malick was on set for a day. Then, there's car chases that put films with ten times the budget to shame:

nearly as much beer consumption as WHITE LINE FEVER:

and...Dick fuckin' Miller!

Joe Dante would be proud.

But the real stars may be our villains: Yaphet Kotto (BONE) and Nichelle Nichols ('Uhura' on STAR TREK) deliver bold performances that perfectly alternate between nuanced and over the top. Yaphet, always a treasure, is pimped out in... well, a pimp outfit:

and matter-of-factly delivering brutal disparagements, punches to the guts, and at one point, actually spitting in OUR face!

Put-tooey!

Nichols rolls in wearing an iridescent white super-flared polyspandex pantsuit with a bikini top:

making exclamations like "THIS AIN'T SEARS ROEBUCK, NIGGAH!" and otherwise distancing herself from the calming presence of STAR TREK's Uhura by delivering brilliant monologues such as the following:
"Your ass belongs to me, I tell you what you can and can't do with it. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? Shut up! Now all you whores sit down, I wanna talk to you. Anybody thinking about leaving here is gonna find my left foot square up their ass, do you understand me? Shut up, ya chunky whore. I'm talking to you!...


...Those two bitches that left they better learn to sell pussy in Iceland because if I ever see them again, I'm gonna cut their fucking throats. Hey! We are a family. And that's what we're gonna stay. Now I got important business out there today. So when I call you I want you to shake yo asses proper, ya hear? HUH! Now get out there and make it look good. And Raquel, take that fucking jacket off!"

Sheer genius. And for those who are still skeptical- I offer these two sublime clips which I've entitled, A. "Naw I'm indestructible!" and B. "What about me?" –"What about you?":


A.


B.



Clearly, this movie deserves five stars.

-Sean Gill

Junta Juleil's Summer '10 Movie Series
1. HELL IN THE PACIFIC (1968, John Boorman)
2. KUFFS (1992, Bruce A. Evans)
3. THE OUTFIT (1973, John Flynn)

4. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981, Eddie Nicart)

5. A*P*E (1976, Paul Leder)

6. BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)
7. HIS KIND OF WOMAN (1951, John Farrow)
8. HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983, Rod Amateau)
9. DR. JEKYLL AND MS. HYDE (1995, David Price)
10. MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997, Clint Eastwood)
11. 1990: BRONX WARRIORS (1982, Enzo G. Castellari)
12. FALLING DOWN (1993, Joel Schumacher)
13. TOURIST TRAP (1979, David Schmoeller)
14. THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1973, Richard Lester)
15. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (1986, John Carpenter)
16. TOP GUN (1986, Tony Scott)
17. 48 HRS. (1982, Walter Hill)
18. ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO (2003, Robert Rodriguez)
19. TALES OF THE CITY (1993, Alastair Reid)
20. WHITE LINE FEVER (1975, Jonathan Kaplan)
21. 99 AND 44/100% DEAD (1974, John Frankenheimer)
22. LET'S KILL UNCLE, BEFORE UNCLE KILLS US (1966, William Castle)
23. TRUCK TURNER (1974, Jonathan Kaplan)
24. ...

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