Film Review: COMMANDO (1985, Mark L. Lester)

Stars: 4.5 of 5.
Running Time: 92 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rae Dawn Chong (TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: THE MOVIE, CHAINDANCE), Alyssa Milano (DOUBLE DRAGON, POISON IVY 2), Vernon Wells (WEIRD SCIENCE, KING OF THE ANTS), David Patrick Kelly (WILD AT HEART, THE WARRIORS), Bill Duke (ACTION JACKSON, PREDATOR, THE LIMEY), Dan Hedaya (BLOOD SIMPLE, THE HUNGER, MULHOLLAND DR.), James Olson (AMITYVILLE II, RAGTIME), and a very special appearance by Bill Paxton. Music by James Horner (48 HRS., TITANIC). Cast by Jackie Burch, clearly one of the best casting directors of all time (THE BREAKFAST CLUB, SIXTEEN CANDLES, D.C. CAB, PREDATOR, DIE HARD, THE RUNNING MAN). Cinematography by Matthew F. Leonetti (EXTREME PREJUDICE, FAST FORWARD, POLTERGEIST).
Tag-lines: "Let's party!"
Best one-liner: See review.

Now this is a difficult task I have before me: what can one write about COMMANDO which has not already been writ in the annals of cinema history? I believe that COMMANDO has universal appeal. There's truly something for everyone in COMMANDO. Yet not everyone is willing to sit down and check themselves out some COMMANDO. Thusly, there are many people- the sorts of people who wouldn't immediately recognize DPK as the universal abbreviation for David Patrick Kelly- that aren't giving COMMANDO a fair shake. So I shall put forth the solution to a perennial problem: how to vault COMMANDO from its position as a beer n' nachos slugfest to something that even the Cabernet Sauvignon crowd could enjoy? Well here ya go: a list of 7 low-brow and 8 high-brow happenings in COMMANDO- the best of both worlds. Hopefully, I can win over some hearts and minds. I'll begin with the low-brow because that's exactly the sort of no-class pandering you'd expect of this site:

LOW-BROW HIGHLIGHTS OF COMMANDO:

1. RDC. Or, for the uninitiated, Rae Dawn Chong.

I like Rae Dawn Chong. I like Rae Dawn Chong a lot. When Ironside needed a go-to lady in CHAINDANCE, who did he pick? Rae Dawn Chong. When C. Thomas Howell was pretending to be black in SOUL MAN, whom did he romance? Rae Dawn Chong. When James Remar needed some luvin' after getting freaked out by gargoyles in TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: THE MOVIE, who did he shack up with? Rae Dawn Chong. All these great minds can't be wrong about Chong. Anyway, she's pretty horrible in this movie. She's kind of the Kate Capshaw/Willie Scott of COMMANDO. I don't know why I started with this one. Hell, I don't know why I'm telling you this, period.

Anyway, somebody must've liked it, or else they wouldn't have told her to be really annoying for the duration. Which only proves my point: this theoretical person who likes screechingly vocal, nettlesome female leads is dissimilar to me in almost every regard. And yet the both of us can find common ground in COMMANDO!

2.

I really miss these kinds of mall elevators. They used to be in every movie. Well, they at least used to be in RUNNING SCARED.

3. The emphasis on sweaty Arnie pec-shaking as legions of men wearing mustaches constructed from felt purchased at Jo-Ann Fabrics are gunned down in a wanton display of gratuitous violence.



4. Occasionally in an action movie, they'll show the same explosion twice, from different angles, for dramatic effect. Sometimes they'll show it three times, perhaps alternating shutter speeds or frame rates to give it that DAYUM SHIT IS BLOWIN' UP sparkle. Once in a blue moon, they'll even show an explosion four times, cause they just couldn't resist.

Well, in COMMANDO, the same explosion is shown nine times. Don't take my word for it, either:


5. One-liners, one-liners, one-liners. I know you've heard them all before, from "Don't disturb my friend, he's dead tired" to "BULLLLLLLL-SHIT!!!" My personal favorite is probably the head-scratchingly homoerotic, "John, I'm not going to shoot you between the eyes. I'm going to shoot you between the balls!" Regardless, I don't think that I can quite emphasize enough how many one-liners are used in COMMANDO. Look at this graph which compares the number of successful one-liners used in COMMANDO to the number of successful one-liners used in everyday life.

The numbers are staggering. I also appreciate that three thousand years of dramatic writing from Aeschylus to Shakespeare to Eugene O'Neill found culmination in 1985 with the following exchange:

FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE! *click*


Fuck YOU, asshole!

6. Arnold flinging a phone booth containing a frightened David Patrick Kelly!


7. An axe-low-blow!?


Alright, before I get off track and we lose too many brain cells:

HIGH-BROW HIGHLIGHTS OF COMMANDO:

1. So many random windows in COMMANDO have artsy, Vittorio Storaro/Dario Argento/Bernard Bertolucci-style colorful backlighting. Didn't expect that in COMMANDO, did you? Well, COMMANDO is full of surprises.



2. I've been working, on and off, on this sort of existential science-fiction film called BLACK HOLE ADVENTURE. It attempts to merge the youthful whimsy and 80's-tastical-ness of those old CHOOSE-YOUR-OWN-ADVENTURE novels with the crushing pessimism and random tragedies of adulthood, and it's all wrapped in a package that's half ROBOT MONSTER and half SPACE ACADEMY. I only mention this, because I discovered that David Patrick Kelly is somehow wearing BLACK HOLE ADVENTURE.


That out-of-this-world suit! The scratchy, woolen needlework! All tied together with a pair of Spicoli's checkered surf shoes from FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH! A-plus, DPK. An A-plus.

3. Hedaya's ponderous jowls. Hedaya's shaggy, caterpillar-esque eyebrows. Hedaya's deeply cleft chin. Hedaya's sunken, terrifying eyes. Hedaya's five o'clock shadow. Hedaya's unnervingly fleecy chest hair, always threatening to crawl out of his shirt and onto YOU. All of these disparate elements converge to form Dan Hedaya.


4. BOOM- out of nowhere- Paxton. He only gets like three lines in a throwaway role as an air-traffic controller, but I still say even just ten seconds of Paxton is ten seconds of class.


5. The COMMANDO font.

Busy, but not too busy. Colorful, but not too colorful. Kinda sporty, but kinda militaristic. Framed elegantly by parallel horizontal lines. I could go on.

6. The opening montage of Schwarzenegger and daughter Alyssa Milano which seems to borrow equally from Leni Riefenstahl propaganda, contemporary political advertisements, the Marx Brothers, the Three Stooges, and THE SOUND OF MUSIC.




7. The void in Bill Duke's eyes. Even for the film fan who has seen it all, there's something sincerely uncanny about Bill Duke's deadpan stare. Most of filmdom's great psychos- from Lon Chaney to Dwight Frye to Anthony Perkins to Crispin Glover- have an active glint in their eye, a quivering eyebrow, a narrowed eyelid. Not Bill Duke. Bill Duke looks into your soul, confident that neither he nor you even have one. Then he says that he likes the price of your Cadillac and runs you down with it.


8. James Horner's score. Ever since I got my hands on a copy, I've had nothing but steel drums and discordant wailin' sax stuck in my craw. Now, it may be a total rip-off of Horner's previous score for 48 HRS., but at least this time the tropical locale provides a bona fide excuse for the steel drum action. This is a throbbing, pulsating, hard-driving score that never lets up, never quits, never stops with its firm jams and unyielding grooves.

In all, COMMANDO is the tale of a man who so loves his daughter, Chenny, that he blasts, low-balls, and blows away a ton of dudes so that he can get to a fictitious Latin-American country, change into a Speedo,

row to shore, change back into commando clothes, blow away some more dudes, take off his shirt, and finally face off in a steam room with the leather-pantsed, chainmail-sweater-wearing bastard who has wronged him.











Four and a half stars. Make sure, uh, nobody gets poked in the eye or whatever.

-Sean Gill

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Film Review: 48 HRS. (1982, Walter Hill)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 96 minutes.
Tag-line: "When a tough cop has a cool convict as a partner and 48 hrs to catch a killer, a lot of funny things can happen in . . . 48 HRS."
Notable Cast or Crew: Nick Nolte, Eddie Murphy, James Remar (QUIET COOL, THE WARRIORS), Brion James (BLADE RUNNER, RED HEAT), Peter Jason (THEY LIVE, JOHNNY HANDSOME), Chris Mulkey (QUIET COOL, TWIN PEAKS), Annette O' Toole (CAT PEOPLE, STEPHEN KING'S IT), David Patrick Kelly (THE WARRIORS, TWIN PEAKS, COMMANDO), Frank McRae (RED DAWN, LOCK UP), Ola Ray (Female lead in the THRILLER music video), Marcelino Sánchez (THE WARRIORS, HILL STREET BLUES).
Best one-liner: "Who GIVES a goddamn what YOU like? You're just a crook on a weekend pass! You're not even a goddamn NAME anymore! You're just a spearchucker with a number stencilled on the back of his prison fatigues! And I'm through fuckin' around. You tell me the truth or you're gonna get the living shit beat outta you." (said by Nick Nolte)

Often cited as as the first of the buddy cop films– a label which I find contentious, given that films like BUSTING and FREEBIE AND THE BEAN were being released almost a decade earlier– 48 HRS. is nonetheless a fine entry into the genre. It began life as an idea from producer Lawrence Gordon (PREDATOR, DIE HARD), who wanted to make a film which involved a time limit (48 hours), a kidnapping, and a cop temporarily springing a convict to aid in the investigation. The concept underwent several iterations with additions made by Roger Spottiswoode (TURNER & HOOCH), Larry Gross (STREETS OF FIRE, TRUE CRIME), Steven E. de Souza (DIE HARD, COMMANDO, HUDSON HAWK), and Walter Hill himself. The end result is a little STRAY DOG here, a little COOL HAND LUKE there, and a proper sprinkling of THE FRENCH CONNECTION and DIRTY HARRY. Initial casting would have placed Clint Eastwood and Richard Pryor in the lead roles, which I'm guessing could have made this film something like BLUE COLLAR meets EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE, and I can't decide whether or not that would be brilliant or a train wreck. But the cast which Judith Holstra (who also cast such great ensemble pieces as EXTREME PREJUDICE and RENT-A-COP) finally put together is one of the best in 80's action cinema: Nick Nolte, Eddie Murphy, James Remar, Brion James, Sonny Landham, Frank McRae, Peter Jason, and David Patrick Kelly, to name a few.

Now the plot's fairly by-the-numbers, the action scenes and chase setpieces are far from being the best in Hill's filmography, and Brion James spends the movie stuck behind a desk

Brion James a good guy behind a desk- really?!

-so why does 48 HRS. still stand apart from the pack? Well, allow me to try and explain:

#1. James Remar is fucking insane.

To play our villain, the recently escaped jailbird Albert Ganz, James Remar deprived himself of sleep to nail that crazy-eyed, paranoid, 'walking dead' look. And by God does he succeed.


Whether watching cartoons, jostling innocents, wandering around anxiously in a tank top, or gunning down cops as his mouth contorts in all of its gap-toothed-gaping-maw glory– Remar is spooky-good.

Also, he wears a crucifix earring:

And I'm pretty sure he had a real piercing- see also: HOMEBODIES.


#2. 'Non compos mentis' is Latin for Sonny Landham.

He's been a porn star, a Kentucky politician, a proponent of genocide against Arabs, and is so goddamned nuts that he needed a bodyguard on the set of PREDATOR to protect Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse Ventura, and Carl Weathers... from HIM. Look at him cackling with that hunting knife. Is that acting? I'm not sure we can say for sure. But in the context of 48 HRS., as James Remar's number two, this hate-mongering psychopath is just what the doctor ordered. Also, his character is named Billy– is he the same character from PREDATOR, but in an alternate universe?

#3. Which brings me to... David Patrick Kelly... as Luther?!

He's come a long way since "War-ree-yoors...COME OUT AND PLAY-YEE-YAY!," but I guess he survived and was reborn as a cheap punk under the thumb of Ajax who apparently made it to the west coast as well. Preposterous WARRIORS conjecture aside: David Patrick Kelly really dives into the role and it fits quite well into his rogue's gallery of diminutive sleazes that he's played over the years.

And as a side note, I really need to pick up his album one of these days.


#4. Nick Nolte clobbering the shit out of David Patrick Kelly, and possibly for real.



You get the feeling that DPK is a real trouper and was probably injured for real what with the amount of slamming into pavement and car doors and all-around manhandling and neck-twisting that occurs within this scene. (But I'm sure that he was so committed that he didn't even complain.)

#5. Nick Nolte always wakes up with a hangover even when he hasn't had a drop to drink. Except for those 40 beers and a bottle of vermouth and oh dear God how did it come to that.


#6. James Horner's score. Horner (COMMANDO, ALIENS, WILLOW, AVATAR, THE NEW WORLD, TITANIC) has done his fair share of big budget actioners, and he certainly doesn't disappoint. But this leads me to an anecdote. Lately- and I'm not too proud to admit this– I've been doing a fair amount of listening to the COMMANDO (1985) soundtrack. It's kind of the superlative action soundtrack. Heavy brass, oppressive reverb-heavy kettle drums, nasty synthesized zithers, and some tropical flutes and steel drums for that Latin American flavor. On top of all this is a wailin' sax worthy of John Lurie which interjects breezy, squawkin' grooves with some amount of frequency. There's even some sentimental strings in there, too (for Alyssa Milano's character- I think her name was "Chenny"). Annyway, the point of my story is that every element that makes up the COMMANDO soundtrack makes sense- Latin American flourishes, a tropical vibe, an underscoring of father/daughter schmaltz. Now it had been some time since I had seen 48 HRS., so you can imagine my surprise to find that it basically has the exact same soundtrack as COMMANDO, give or take a few transpositions and subtle melodic shifts! I'll bet he thought no one would notice his self-plagiarization- but at least it makes thematic sense in the revisit. A fine action soundtrack (on both occasions).

#7. Ric Waite's hazy cinematography.


Ric Waite (RED DAWN, COBRA, OUT FOR JUSTICE) generally injects just the proper amount of creative lighting effects to make his images pop without overwhelming the bare-knuckled, no-frills stories they usually accompany. He knows the genres and directors that he works with well (from Milius to Hill to Flynn to Cosmatos), and he knows he ain't workin' with Bertolucci, Antonioni, or Ken Russell. His work on 48 HRS. can be described as 'evocatively smoggy.' You feel the grime and the haze and the heat of California as washed-out daytime earth tones are replaced at night by neon and twirling police flashers. It's a vivid imagining, and you really feel the stifling sense of what it must be to exist beneath the sweaty, grubby belly of the Golden State. Hollywood, of course has a rich history of depicting this sort of thing, and it can be seen in everything from John A. Alonzo's work on CHINATOWN (1974) to Robby Müller's on TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A. (1985) and beyond.

#8. The delightfully brutish way with which Nolte pronounces the word "bullshit." It's like it takes on a life of its own.

"BULLLLLSHIT."

See also: Nolte's exclamation "My ass bleeds for ya!" and his assertion "You been dickin' me around since we started this turd hunt."

#9. A bit part by Chris Mulkey (Hank Jennings on TWIN PEAKS) as a patrolman.

I wonder if he and Remar became buddies, because he shows up again in QUIET COOL.

#10. Eddie Murphy's notorious starmaking scene in the redneck bar.

It's hyped up to no end, but it's still a great scene. And it's refreshing to see the raw talent of Murphy, years before he became intoxicated by his own self-importance. He tosses off lines like "Sit your country ass down, man!" with aplomb, and we suspend our disbelief that Murphy could singlehandedly rough up an entire bar of brawny (presumably racist) yokels because he commands– no, demands the viewer's attention, so much so, that you exist purely in the moment with him. You're caught up in the sheer masterpiece of bullshit that his character is constructing, and it's a joy to watch.

(And watch for John Carpenter-favorite Peter Jason as the back-talkin' hayseed bartender.)

Four stars.

-Sean Gill

Junta Juleil's Summer '10 Movie Series
1. HELL IN THE PACIFIC (1968, John Boorman)
2. KUFFS (1992, Bruce A. Evans)
3. THE OUTFIT (1973, John Flynn)

4. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981, Eddie Nicart)

5. A*P*E (1976, Paul Leder)

6. BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)
7. HIS KIND OF WOMAN (1951, John Farrow)
8. HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983, Rod Amateau)
9. DR. JEKYLL AND MS. HYDE (1995, David Price)
10. MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997, Clint Eastwood)
11. 1990: BRONX WARRIORS (1982, Enzo G. Castellari)
12. FALLING DOWN (1993, Joel Schumacher)
13. TOURIST TRAP (1979, David Schmoeller)
14. THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1973, Richard Lester)
15. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (1986, John Carpenter)
16. TOP GUN (1986, Tony Scott)
17. 48 HRS. (1982, Walter Hill)
18. ...

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