Only now does it occur to me... HEAVEN'S GATE

Only now does it occur to me... that I'm not sure if a movie has ever been packed with as many beloved character actors as HEAVEN'S GATE, and I'll even include THE LONGEST DAY, COP LAND, THE EXPENDABLES, THE PLAYER, and MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS in consideration.

There's so much to say about HEAVEN'S GATE.  Probably too much.  From its tumultuous production that basically destroyed United Artists to its hideous reception to its latter-day critical re-evaluation to the Johnson County War on which it is based– one could fill a volume.  (And people have.)  In the end, I'd say it's an ambitious film which flirts with genius, is bogged down by poor pacing, but consistently holds the viewer spellbound with gorgeous Western imagery (courtesy of master cinematographer Vilmos Zsigmond) even when the narrative begins to dawdle. 

So set aside nearly four hours and give it a try– I'd say it's worth the time for the curious, the Western fan, the cinematography aficionado, or the character actor die-hard.  But more on that in a minute.  Then, see FINAL CUT: THE MAKING AND UNMAKING OF HEAVEN'S GATE (available in eight parts on YouTube here), and go ahead and read this interview with Cimino himself for a little taste of the outlandish (and possibly insane) creature who lurks beneath the surface of this genuinely talented and occasionally virtuosic director.

But for now, fasten your seatbelts, and prepare for a whirlwind tour of character actors, the sheer magnitude of whom may even give you whiplash: 

Coming up on the left here is Eastwood crony Geoffrey Lewis (10 TO MIDNIGHT, MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL, DOUBLE IMPACT, BRONCO BILLY, 'SALEM'S LOT, MAVERICK) looking like the live action mountain man version of "Pigpen" from peanuts.

Attached to Geoffrey Lewis is a hand.  And in that hand is a tongue.  And that tongue is attached to...

...Mickey Rourke?  

 

Lookin' pretty young there, Mickey!  Good show.

Down the road a spell is Terry O'Quinn (THE STEPFATHER, BLIND FURY, THE X-FILES, SILVER BULLET, THE ROCKETEER, "John Locke" on LOST)

He's got his hair still, and is playing a baseball-luvin' member of the U.S. Calvary.  In a strange tie-in with his character on LOST, he's got an injured leg and is carrying an important and mysterious "list" of names.

Continuing on with our journey, here's Richard Masur (IT, THE THING, LICENSE TO DRIVE, MR. BOOGEDY, RENT-A-COP, RISKY BUSINESS, MY GIRL)

chomping on a corn cob pipe, giving his all to his colorful brogue, and looking about as intense as he's ever looked (no small feat for a man generally typecast as "suburban dad").

Over on the right here, to the left of that presumably 19th Century malt liquor is edgy queen of French cinema Isabelle Huppert (THE PIANO TEACHER, AMOUR, I HEART HUCKABEE, COUP DE TORCHON, LA CEREMONIE, Hal Hartley's AMATEUR).

Up here behind the beard is Brad Dourif (CHILD'S PLAY, WISE BLOOD, ALIEN: RESURRECTION, DEADWOOD, THE TWO TOWERS, DUNE, ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, THE EXORCIST III, BLUE VELVET, GRIM PRAIRIE TALES)

and sure he doesn't have much to do, but it's a modern-day Western, so we had to have Brad Dourif in some kind of old-timey spectacles.  I think it should be written into the SAG paperwork.

Around the bend in the proto-pimp costume is Bronson heavy Paul Koslo (THE OMEGA MAN, VANISHING POINT, THE STONE KILLER, MR. MAJESTYK, CLEOPATRA JONES, FREEBIE AND THE BEAN, LOVE AND BULLETS).

Then, over in that train with the fur hat and the lip carpet is Sam Waterston (THE KILLING FIELDS, THE GREAT GATSBY, SERIAL MOM, LAW AND ORDER, CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS, CAPRICORN ONE)

who finally gets to play a bad guy, and to great effect!

Over to the side there, you can see a Kris Kristofferson (PAT GARRETT AND BILLY THE KID, BRING ME THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA, CONVOY, FLASHPOINT, BIG-TOP PEE-WEE, BLADE, and star of CHRISTMAS IN CONNECTICUT, the only feature Arnold Schwarzenegger ever directed) in his natural habitat.

And wait– who's that in the shadows behind him?  Why, it's the film debut of Willem Dafoe (THE LOVELESS, WILD AT HEART, ANTICHRIST, SPIDERMAN, TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A., THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST, EXISTENZ, BODY OF EVIDENCE, BOONDOCK SAINTS, THE ENGLISH PATIENT).  He's just an extra, but, hot damn!

Down the path a spell is none other than Jeff Bridges (TRON, THE BIG LEBOWSKI, CUTTER'S WAY, THE LAST PICTURE SHOW, KING KONG '76, STARMAN, THUNDERBOLT AND LIGHTFOOT).

He's got a great intensity here in a supporting role– and supposedly when production wrapped, one of the many "cabin" sets were up for grabs, so Bridges swooped in, disassembled it, and reconstructed it on his ranch property!

Over in this glen is Christopher Walken (THE DEER HUNTER, ANNIE HALL, KING OF NEW YORK, THE DEAD ZONE, A VIEW TO A KILL, MCBAIN, BATMAN RETURNS, WAYNE'S WORLD 2, NEW ROSE HOTEL, KANGAROO JACK)

and I'll yes indeed shut my big mouth, shitpoke!  Another fine Walken badass role.

And then right here, if he'll put down the flask long enough for you to get a clear look– is none other than John Hurt (THE ELEPHANT MAN, I CLAUDIUS, ALIEN, THE HIT, 1984, THE STORYTELLER, KING RALPH, DOGVILLE, MIDNIGHT EXPRESS, DEAD MAN, HELLBOY, TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY '11)!

He delivers an eccentric performance, dripping with pathos.  Like every other John Hurt performance!  The man is never anything less than superlative.

Then, upon examining the end credits, I realized that one of my favorites, Tom Noonan (MANHUNTER, HEAT, THE MONSTER SQUAD, THE LAST ACTION HERO, ROBOCOP 2, THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL, DAMAGES), was in the film as "Jake," and I didn't notice him!  To be fair, he may have been standing around the back with a beard and hat on, and I'm sure I would have seen him if I'd been looking in advance, but allow me to repeat this sentiment:  there were so many character actors that I missed Tom Noonan.

Whew!  I'm impressed.  I hope you've enjoyed this breakneck tour of character actors.  And perhaps in closing, it begs to be asked:  where the hell was Harry Dean Stanton?

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Film Review: THE MONSTER SQUAD (1987, Fred Dekker)

Stars: 4 of 5.
Running Time: 82 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Co-written and directed by Fred Dekker (NIGHT OF THE CREEPS, ROBOCOP 3, writer of HOUSE), co-written by Shane Black (LETHAL WEAPON, KISS KISS BANG BANG, THE LAST BOY SCOUT). Starring Andre Gower, Robby Kiger (CHILDREN OF THE CORN), Brent Chalem ("Tubby" in DANCE 'TIL DAWN, "Spud" on PUNKY BREWSTER), Stephen Macht (TRANCERS III, GALAXINA, GRAVEYARD SHIFT), Tom Noonan (MANHUNTER, HOUSE OF THE DEVIL), Jon Gries ("Roger Linus" on LOST, RUNNING SCARED, TERRORVISION), Jack Gwillim (LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, PATTON), Leonardo Cimino (DUNE, HUDSON HAWK), Duncan Regehr (V, THE LEGEND OF ERROL FLYNN), Jason Hervey ('Wayne' on THE WONDER YEARS, PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE), Stan Shaw (TRUCK TURNER, ROCKY). Music by Bruce Broughton (TOMBSTONE), songs by Michael Sembello (of 'Maniac' fame). Executive produced by Peter Hyams (RUNNING SCARED, BUSTING, 2010, OUTLAND, THE RELIC).
Tag-line: " You know who to call when you have ghosts but who do you call when you have monsters?"
Best one-liner: See review.

A clever cash-in on THE GOONIES' success and a throwback to the classic Universal monster flicks which tried to jam as many monsters into one movie as was humanly possible (HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN, HOUSE OF DRACULA, FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLF MAN, ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN), THE MONSTER SQUAD is a loving tribute to an age where one's primary curiosities lie in the morbid, the dark, the gross, and the monstrous. As such, Shane Black and Fred Dekker bring us a clever (but not too clever for its own good), self-referential (a decade before Kevin Williamson), tightly-wound (82 minutes!) horror film whose primary- nay, only- objective is to ensure that we have a hell of a good time. And though copyright issues disallowed the makers from using the actual Universal monsters, we have extremely solid Stan Winston facsimiles, and there are enough obscure nods to the originals (armadillos in Dracula's castle!) to satisfy the die hards. I shall now proceed with an empirical analysis of THE MONSTER SQUAD, one which seeks to separate MYTH from FACT:

MYTH: Dracula is class. He's all about the opera, and literature, and Gothic architecture, and, oh yes, that inconvenient matter that comes up from time to time– that of drinking your blood.
FACT: Dracula, in THE MONSTER SQUAD, is a total douchebomb. His nonstop dickery imperils not only the members of the titular Monster Squad, but even his fellow monsters as well. Will Dracula be having your son?

You bettah believe he'll be having your son. What if a gang of kids starts harassing him?


He will blast their treehouse to shit with dynamite and mutter to himself smugly, "Meeting adjourned." Just look at his face:

Have you ever seen a vampire more pleased with himself? Have you seen a monster with a more blatantly self-congratulatory attitude?
And while I guess this was the era of the PG-13, I love the way he deals with a five-year old girl who's got the mystical monster amulet:


The first time I saw this I was sort of disappointed with Duncan Regehr's take on Dracula, but now with the benefit of age and wisdom, I've gotta say: like the fine wine (that he never drinks), Drac's incessant, unrelenting superior form of douchebaggery only improves with age.

MYTH: Dracula can change his form, but he's limited to man, wolf, and bat.


FACT: Well, if we're counting one-frame subliminal messages, add "Bulging-Eyes-Skull-Head-Monster-Man" to the list. (Maybe this is somehow related to Dracula's headscratching appearance as "The Grim Reaper" in CASTLEVANIA II: SIMON'S QUEST?)

MYTH: Dracula cannot journey in daylight.

FACT: Evidently he can, in bat form, whilst exiting a vintage B-24 that he's commissioned. And is this some kind of abstruse reference to the B-24s used in the WWII bombing of Ploesti, Romania, the same nation whose borders lay claim to Transylvania?

MYTH: Jon Gries would make a pisspoor Wolf Man.


FACT: After cutting his teeth on roles like "O.D. the Metalhead" in TERRORVISION and "King Vidiot" in JOYSTICKS, he possessed the necessary derangement to pull of an extremely solid Wolf Man, and one with occasional pathos to boot.

MYTH: A Wolf Man traverses this life without 'Nards.
FACT: See below.





MYTH: The Wolf Man can be killed by stuffing dynamite down his pants, defenestrating him, and exploding him above a deserted alleyway as he plummets to the ground.

FACT: Only a silver bullet can kill the Wolf Man. (And what precisely does this movie have against Wolf Man genitalia, anyway?)

MYTH: Like many a lame-ass kids' movie since, THE MONSTER SQUAD censors itself.

FACT: No. It refuses to. It keeps the foul-mouthed pre-teens, the gore (watch for Dracula's brides munching on furry animals, raw- amongst other things), the five-year old girls being strangled and called bitches (see above), and all the other stuff that lets kids know they're not being pandered to.

MYTH: When the (quasi) Universal Monsters get together, they commence with death and destruction... immediately!

FACT: Actually, they simply cavort with one another in a shot which (comically, but surely unintentionally) goes on for about three seconds too long.

MYTH: The Creature from the Black Lagoon is underrated.

FACT: No, The Creature from the Black Lagoon is rated just as he should be. Hands down, the shittiest of the mainstream Universal Monsters, I'd rather see his #5 spot occupied by Mr. Hyde, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, the Man who Laughs, the ape from Rue Morgue, the Invisible Man, the Bride of Frankenstein, Dr. Pretorius, the crazy brother from THE OLD DARK HOUSE, Poelzig from THE BLACK CAT, or even a random Mole Person from THE MOLE PEOPLE. That being said, Stan Winston did a pretty superb job of reimagining him for the 1980's. And I guess the Creature gets a few points for having Clint Eastwood in the sequel. Anyway.

MYTH: Harold Ramis was the first to consider a film entitled GROUNDHOG DAY.
FACT: A fictional flick named 'GROUNDHOG DAY' is viewed within MONSTER SQUAD, a reference to the many 'holiday-themed slashers' which ruled the video shelves of the 1980's.

MYTH: TERMINATOR 2 was the first movie to end with a corny, gargantuan father figure sacrificing himself to the pit in order that others may live.
FACT: THE MONSTER SQUAD makes a pretty good go of it with Tom Noonan's Frankenstein.

Noonan is great. At 6'6'', he makes for a great Monster. Although never did I think I'd see 'Francis Dollarhyde' (the name of his character in MANHUNTER) holding a little girl's hand in a genuinely sentimental moment.

His catchphrase is "Bogus!," which should be enough to make your average FRANKENSTEIN fan's hair curl in dismay, but somehow Noonan imbues the role with enough sincerity that he makes those cringeworthy moments extremely palatable.

MYTH: "The problem is two-thousand year-old dead guys do not get up and walk away by themselves."

FACT: "See ya later, Band-Aid Breath!"

MYTH: It is impossible to 'rap' adequately about "amulets."
FACT: Stay for the end credits, and listen for yourself. I'm not saying that Michael Sembello should be named Poet Laureate or anything, but give him a chance.

Four stars.

-Sean Gill

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