Only now does it occur to me... JUBAL

Only now does it occur to me...  that my lifelong dream to see Charles Bronson throw a table at Ernest Borgnine would one day be realized!

Sheer visual poetry!  And from the freeze-framing, it looks like Bronson is in fact heaving that table across the room, while Borgnine has been replaced by a stunt double.

The movie's pretty good, too– a loose (very loose) retelling of OTHELLO (with Borgnine as Marty– I mean Othello, Rod Steiger as Iago, Valerie French as Desdemona, and Glenn Ford as Cassio),

JUBAL is a beautiful Eastmancolor Western that's tense, well-acted, and bursting with Douglas Sirk-ian melodrama.  It's not quite as good as my other Delmer Daves favorites (DARK PASSAGE and 3:10 TO YUMA), but it's well worth your time (even though Bronson's only in a supporting role).  It's also clear that Sergio Leone was a Delmer Daves fan, and it's funny how many of the film's tableaux are comprised entirely of actors who would go on to work with the Spaghetti Master:

Rod Steiger (DUCK, YOU SUCKER) and henchman Jack Elam (ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST.)

Charles Bronson (even wearing practically the same hat as in ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST) faces off with Steiger.

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Film Review: BUNNY O'HARE (1971, Gerd Oswald)

Stars: 1.5 of 5.

Running Time: 102 minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew: Bette Davis (DARK VICTORY, ALL ABOUT EVE), Ernest Borgnine (FROM HERE TO ETERNITY, ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK), John Astin (THE ADDAMS FAMILY, EERIE INDIANA), Jack Cassidy (THE EIGER SANCTION, MR. MAGOO'S CHRISTMAS CAROL), Joan Delaney (THE PRESIDENT'S ANALYST, DON'T DRINK THE WATER), and Jay Robinson (SHAMPOO, Coppola's DRACULA).  Written by Stanley Z. Cherry (PETTICOAT JUNCTION, THE MANY LOVES OF DOBIE GILLIS) and Coslough Johnson (THE SONNY AND CHER COMEDY HOUR, SHE-RA, HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE).  Produced by Samuel Z. Arkoff (ROLLING THUNDER, THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES, DILLINGER '73, EARTH VS. THE SPIDER, THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN).

Tag-line:  "ENJOY those Golden Years with the most profitable pension plan any sweet little mother ever devised!
Best one-liner:  "SCREW 'EM!"

"Heya, bud– you wanna see a terrible movie?"
–"Not particularly."
"How's about a terrible movie with Bette Davis?"
–"I already saw RETURN FROM WITCH MOUNTAIN."
"How's about a terrible movie with Bette Davis and Ernest Borgnine?"

–"Well..."
"Look at 'em smiling.  Come on."
–"Well..."
"How's about a terrible movie with Bette Davis and Ernest Borgnine where they play geriatric bank robbers... who dress up as hippies and tool around on a motorcycle so as not to get caught?"

–"Alright, you win– now there's no way I'm not watching that."
"I thought so, you sick bastard."
–"So wait... what is this again?"
"It's a Samuel Z. Arkoff American International shit-storm that's so cheap and desperate and awful that despite the presence of major Hollywood stars from the Golden Era, it doesn't even feel like a 'real movie,' ever."
–"Uh..."
"Also, there's an overwhelming, zany harmonica-laden soundtrack and some chase sequences worthy of Benny Hill."

–"Er...what?"
"Okay.  So imagine this:  Bette Davis plays an unappreciated older mother whose deadbeat kids are allowing the bank to foreclose on her home ("THIS IS MY HOUSE YOU CAN'T KNOCK IT DOWN!!!"),

only one of the dudes tearing her plumbing apart happens to be ex-bank robbing legend Ernest Borgnine, and so he and Ms. Bette strike up a December-December romance and vow revenge on the banks."

–"He's taking her toilet?"
"Yeah.  And did I mention that one of said deadbeat kids is played by the legendary John Astin, seen here wearing a wicked, rainbow-colored 70s smoking jacket?"

–"Okay...?"
"It's anti-bank message is certainly admirable, and it really tries for a late 60s counter-culture vibe, but it simply can't escape the blockheaded 'geriatric BONNIE AND CLYDE' gimmickry."

–"Why am I supposed to be watching this?"

"Well, of course it all leads up to the emotionally satisfying and semi-nude payoff of Ernest Borgnine digging a bullet out of Bette Davis' shoulder."

–"Can I leave now?"
"No.  If you've come this far, you should at least stay for the finale, whereupon Bette hangs up on both of her needy children and utters the sheer poetry of...

"SCREW 'EM!"

And from the look of her expression afterward, I think it's pretty evident that this sentiment is simultaneously aimed at the filmmakers!"

–"Oh.  Uh, why am I here again?"

"I don't know.  Because we have no standards?"

–"Well apparently, neither do Davis and Borgnine."

"We all gotta eat, brother..."

 –Sean Gill

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Film Review: CAPE FEAR (1962, J. Lee Thompson)

Stars: 5 of 5.

Running Time: 105 minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew:  Gregory Peck, Robert Mitchum, Martin Balsam (PSYCHO, DEATH WISH 3), Telly Savalas (KOJAK, VIOLENT CITY), Polly Bergen (THE WINDS OF WAR, CRY-BABY), Lori Martin (THE CHASE, NATIONAL VELVET the TV series), directed by J. Lee Thompson (THE GUNS OF NAVARONE, DEATH WISH 4: THE CRACKDOWN).  Screenplay by James R. Webb (HOW THE WEST WAS WON, THE BIG COUNTRY), and adapted from the novel by John D. MacDonald.

Tag-line: "Their ordeal of terror triggers the screen's most savage war of nerves!"

Best one-liner:  "I got somethin' planned for your wife and kid that they ain't nevah gonna forget.  They ain't nevah gonna forget it, and neither are you, counselor.  Nevah!"

If you haven't seen CAPE FEAR (the '62 original), then by all means, see it immediately.  It's a brutal, Hitchockian thriller (with a nightmarishly evocative Bernard Herrmann soundtrack) that contains one of filmdom's great villains and possesses a jaw-dropping mean streak that's somehow only amplified by the production code's constraints against explicit sex or violence.  Now, today's review is going to mostly be a screen capture tribute dedicated to the sleaze and sadism of super-scary Bob Mitchum, but I have a little housekeeping to do first.  

First, a note about the director:  J. Lee Thompson was an English playwright and filmmaker-craftsman whose most respected productions are probably CAPE FEAR and THE GUNS OF NAVARONE, both from the early 60s.  He went on to direct the latter two of the five original PLANET OF THE APES films, and in 1976, with ST. IVES, began a treasured nine-film collaboration with the one and only Charles Bronson.  His career ended with a stint as a resident director at Cannon Films, and eight out of his nine final films were released under the glorious Cannon banner.  He went out with the bang that was KINJITE: FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS.

Second, I have to point out the wonderful piece of trivia that Ernest Borgnine was the first choice for the role (the villainous Max Cady) which would ultimately go to Mitchum.   We totally could've been looking at this:

(as seen in FROM HERE TO ETERNITY)

instead of this.  Now, I think Mitchum is the right choice, but make no mistake– I'd watch the hell out of a Borgnine CAPE FEAR.

Third, there's a conversation between newly-sprung convict Mitchum and the lawyer who testified against him (Gregory Peck) whereupon Mitchum begins to muse about exactly how much money each incarcerated year of his life might be worth.  Fans of the first season of TWIN PEAKS will recognize it as near-verbatim inspiration for a similar scene between Hank Jennings (Chris Mulkey) and Josie Packard (Joan Chen) as they discuss his post-prison future.

But that's enough talk– onward to a pictorial collage of Bob Mitchum guaranteed to curdle your blood and curl your hair.  I call it, "THINGS ABOUT WHICH BOB MITCHUM GIVES A DAMN AND THINGS ABOUT WHICH BOB MITCHUM DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN ."

BOB MITCHUM DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN IF HE WRECKS YOUR BOWLING SCORE

BOB MITCHUM DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN IF YOU ARE MARRIED

AND BOB MITCHUM  DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT INSINUATING THAT YOU ARE A PROSTITUTE


BOB MITCHUM DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT SECOND-HAND SMOKE

BOB MITCHUM DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN IF HE MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE BY WEARING NOTHING BUT GIANT OLD MAN UNDIES AND A PANAMA HAT

BOB MITCHUM DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT KILLING YOU WITH HIS BARE HANDS, SLOW

AND HE DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR PRETENTIOUS INSULTS

BOB MITCHUM DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT PERFECTING HIS BAR SLOUCH

BOB MITCHUM DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT LYING TO AIRLINE EMPLOYEES



BOB MITCHUM DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT CHECKING OUT YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER


AND BOB MITCHUM DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN THAT HIS BEER IS WARMER THAN ROOM TEMPERATURE

BOB MITCHUM DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN IF YOU DON'T LIKE BEING DROWNED

AND HE DEFINITELY DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN ABOUT GETTING WET

BOB MITCHUM DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN, IN GENERAL

 HE JUST DOES NOT GIVE A DAMN.

Interesting. Oh, so I guess my title was a bit of a misnomer, since Bob Mitchum does not appear to give a damn about anythin–

BOB MITCHUM GIVES A DAMN ABOUT PEANUTS

Five stars.  And I'll grab some salted peanuts for you, Bob– in the shell.

-Sean Gill

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Charles Bronson, welcome to the Criterion Collection

In a big day for Bronson aficionados, the man finally enters the Criterion Collection via (not as I had hoped, as in Mandom Commercials as a bonus feature on the disc for HOUSE, or as part of a DEATH WISH box set) Delmer Daves' Western JUBAL.  (Also, the irrepressible expression upon painted Ernest Borgnine's face appears to be worth the price of admission alone.)  Pass the chicken!

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Only now does it occur to me... FROM HERE TO ETERNITY!

Only now does it occur to me... that pretty much the last thing you want to hear after being court-martialed– but before you're about to be severely clobbered with a billyclub by Ernest Borgnine– has got to be "Hello, tough monkey."

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