Television Review: BODY BAGS (1993, John Carpenter & Tobe Hooper)

Stars: 4.2 of 5.

Running Time: 95 minutes.

Tag-line: "Zip yourself in tight!"

Notable Cast or Crew:  Stacy Keach (FAT CITY, NEBRASKA), Robert Carradine (REVENGE OF THE NERDS, THE LONG RIDERS), Mark Hamill (STAR WARS, CORVETTE SUMMER), David Warner (WAXWORK, TRON), Alex Datcher (PASSENGER 57, NETHERWORLD), Twiggy (THE BOYFRIEND),  Deborah Harry (of Blondie and TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: THE MOVIE), Tom Arnold (TRUE LIES, SONS OF ANARCHY), Peter Jason (DEADWOOD, PRINCE OF DARKNESS), David Naughton (AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON, MIDNIGHT MADNESS), George "Buck" Flower (THEY LIVE, THE FOG, BACK TO THE FUTURE), John Agar (TARANTULA, MIRACLE MILE), Charles Napier (THE BLUES BROTHERS, THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS).  With cameos by Tobe Hooper, Wes Craven, Sam Raimi, Greg Nicotero, Roger Corman.  Written by Billy Brown and Dan Angel (GOOSEBUMPS the TV series).  Special effects by Rick Baker, Greg Nicotero, Howard Berger  Produced by Carpy, his missus Sandy King, and Dan Angel.  Music by Carpy and Jim Lang (IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS, RANSOM).  Cinematography by Gary Kibbe (A FEW GOOD MEN, THEY LIVE).

Best One-liner:  "Natural causes, natural causes, natural causes...  I hate natural causes!  Give me a big stab wound to poke at and then I'm happy."  –John Carpenter as "The Coroner"

[Note that this is not intended as a continuation of "Poor Man's Carpy," as though that series will live to see the light of day again, BODY BAGS is in no way indicative of a poor man's anything– this is vintage "Forgotten Carpy."]

In a familiar, darkened alley, two Thunderbird-swilling cineastes make small-talk:

"Watcha got there?"
–"BODY BAGS."
"What's that?"
–"Only the best omnibus horror movie you've never seen."
"That's a bold claim.  Put it in terms I can understand."
–"Not as good as CREEPSHOW.  Better than CREEPSHOW 2.  Slightly better than TRILOGY OF TERROR.  About on par with TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE: THE MOVIE."
"Why have I never heard of this?"
–"Well, back when HBO was on the rise and TALES FROM THE CRYPT was enjoying widespread popularity, Showtime decided it was time to get into the horror anthology game and enlisted the likes of John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper.  Carpenter ultimately decided that he couldn't make the work he wanted to for the budget they were offering, so Showtime called it even and made a three-part anthology TV movie."
"Who hosts it?  A rip-off Cryptkeeper?"
–"Funny you should ask.  Why don't you sit down for a spell?"
"Why?"
–"Trust me, you're gonna want to be sitting down for this."
"Okay, so who's their Cryptkeeper?"
–"He's called 'The Coroner,' and it's none other than.... John Carpenter himself! 

Wearing scrubs, ghoulish makeup, and a sort of Beetlejuice-ish demeanor, Carpy does not disappoint as he mugs about, dropping one-liners, handling disembodied heads, and the like.  He's no actor, but it doesn't matter, because he's having fun."

He's also their MGM lion!

"Nice!"
–"Yeah, right?  Check it out– here he's making himself a martini out of formaldehyde."

"You said there's ghoul makeup on him?"
–"Yes..."
"Isn't that what Carpy looks like all the time?"
–"Why don't you just shut it."
"Hey, I'm just telling it like it is."
–"Drop it."
"But–"
 –"Annnyway, there are three segments and a frame story.  'The Gas Station,'  'Hair,' and the morgue frame are all directed by Carpenter.  The third segment, 'Eye,' is directed by Tobe Hooper.  All the segments are written by Dan Angel and Billy Brown, whose careers as R.L. Stine TV-adapters should give you a pretty good idea of their strengths and their weaknesses.  Angel, Carpy, and Sandy King (Carpy's missus) produced everything, though, so it has a very uniform feel."
"What about the music?  Those TV people didn't clip Carpy's wings, did they?"
–"It's Carpenter and Jim Lang (his collaborator on IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS), so it's definitely a more rockin' soundtrack, as opposed to one of pulsing dread like PRINCE OF DARKNESS.  They keep it light for the most part (I'd compare it to the high-reverb drums and roaming bass of BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA), dipping into TWIN PEAKS-ish jazz for the comedic moments.  But it's certainly capable of conveying a darker atmosphere when necessary, sometimes veering into CHRISTINE-ish territory or something similar to Mike Oldfield's 'Tubular Bells' from THE EXORCIST."
"So it feels cinematic?"
–"Oh yes.  And Gary Kibbe (Carpenter's cinematographer in his post-Dean Cundey era, from 1987-2001) provides very workmanlike, evocative visuals, using wide-angle lenses and dolly set-ups to great effect.  It doesn't feel like something intended for the small screen, not by a long shot."
"Sounds pretty good.  Why don't ya tell me about the segments?"
–"Alrighty.  So the first one is called 'The Gas Station,' and yep, it takes place entirely at a gas station.  In tone, it feels a lot like a condensed version of HALLOWEEN (Haddonfield, Illinois even gets a mention!), but it's not too shocking, just a straightforward, well-made suspense piece with those two key elements: a slasher and an unsuspecting lassie.  Alex Datcher is our likable heroine, a college gal who's first time pulling the night-shift solo proves to be a memorable one.
 

The Carradine named Robert shows her the ropes (it's got that nice blue-collar cred that you see in everything from THE THING to VAMPIRES), and Carpenter uses a great economy of storytelling to

introduce the characters, the rules, and the spatial relationships. 

As her shift begins, we're treated to a rogue's gallery of horror cameos and familiar faces, and it almost begins to develop a quirky, Jim Jarmusch-style flavor of 'late nite slice-of-life,' like NIGHT ON EARTH or MYSTERY TRAIN.  There's 'Buck' Flower, playing (predictably) a scary hobo:

a sleazy Peter Jason wearing a brilliantly awful tie (just as bad as Chris Sarandon's in BORDELLO OF BLOOD, for sure) and urging our heroine to party:

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON's David Naughton as what seems to be an unassuming, decent guy:

and Wes Craven

as a creepy fellow buying himself some cigarettes."

"Oooh, Wes Craven is sooo scary.  I'm afraid he's gonna teach me some liberal arts or something."

–"Oh, hush.  Then it kicks into high gear, and Sam Raimi gets a cameo as a corpse tumbling out of a locker:

 "Aieee!"

–"I must make an aside to mention that in the special features, Carpenter speaks at length about the production, saying 'I thought Wes was especially smooth in his part,' for instance, and of course, he knows everyone's name– except Sam Raimi, whom he refers to as 'Uh...Spider-Man.'  I find this for some reason to be fantastic."

–"Ha!"

"Anywho, then the shit hits the fan and doesn't let up.  I won't spoil how it ends, but it has a nice visceral payoff while remaining entirely uncomplicated."

–"Sounds pretty good.  What's next?"

"Probably my favorite segment of the three:  'Hair.'  It's played more for laughs than the others, but it's got some freakier elements to it, too.  One of my favorite actors, Stacy Keach, plays a man undergoing a midlife crisis:  he's losing his hair and letting it ruin his life.

 

For what is ostensibly a 'comedy' segment, Keach infuses his role with an incredible pathos– his misplaced anger, helpless frustration, and existential sadness play effortlessly across his face.

(Keach and Carpenter got along quite well, with Keach comparing Carpenter in the special features to John Huston.  They'd work together again on ESCAPE FROM L.A., with Keach taking on the Lee Van Cleef role.)
Keach tries everything– hairpieces, posh stylists, painted on hair– until he sees genre legend David Warner in an infomercial, promising the results that Keach has found elusive:
 
 
He makes an appointment and meets with Dr. Warner and his lovely nurse, Debbie Harry (of Blondie!) who, in an apparent in-joke, does not have her trademark blonde locks.  Coupled with VIDEODROME and her TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE appearances, I think we have to refer to Debbie as a bona fide genre actress!

Warner's having a blast, too– you get the sense that they were on set for a day or so, and just went for it."

"I do loves me some David Warner."
–"Yeah.  I wish he'd get more high-profile work.  I thought for sure TITANIC would have opened some doors for him.  Eh.  Annnyway, Keach receives the hair transplant,

and his childlike glee could move mountains.  Keach is simply phenomenal.  I'd like to take a moment to plug FAT CITY, too, a Huston film that he's masterful in.
"Stay on topic!  So what happens?"
–"As if I'd tell ya.  Let's just say that the hair may have a mind of its own..."

"Well, now I'm intrigued."
–"Good.  So that brings us to our final segment, 'Eye,' the Tobe Hooper one.  It's by far the weakest, but I don't think that's entirely Hooper's fault.  Mark Hamill plays a baseball player with a mustache and a Southern accent who gets into a car wreck and loses his eye.

 Luckily, his doctors (including Roger Corman, pictured center)

have developed a technique for eye transplants, and they think he's a candidate for a new and exciting transplant surgery."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Mark Hamill plays a guy who gets in a car accident and needs reconstructive surgery to save his career?  Don't you think that hits a little close to home?"
–"Yeah, I suppose so.  But Hamill's a trouper.  He even shows his balls in this movie."
"WHAT?  Why are you telling me this?"
–"I don't know.  It seems like it'd be a trivia question.  'What movie does Luke Skywalker show his balls in?'"
"Correct me if I'm wrong, this segment is called 'Eye,' not 'Eyeballs.'  Right?"
–"Yep.  It's just that thing where if you see something traumatizing, you have to tell someone else to lessen your own trauma.  It's this damn HD era, really."
"Well, thanks a lot.  Moving on..."
–"Well, after the eye transplant, he starts wearing sweatpants and having eerie visions and mistreating his wife Twiggy."

"Twiggy?  There's some pretty weird casting in this movie."
–"Yeah, there really is.  In the special features, Sandy King says that some of the Carpenter stable came from her connection to Walter Hill's THE LONG RIDERS, where she was script supervisor.  This includes Stacy Keach, Peter Jason, and Keith Carradine.  As for the others, I have no idea."
"Wow, so Peter Jason is in six John Carpenter movies, just because of a random connection on THE LONG RIDERS.  Pretty cool."
 –"Yeah.  Anyway, Hamill tries to uncover where the unholy eye came from, and..."
 
"Well, where did it come from?  Lemme guess.  A convict that was executed?  Right?  Am I right?"
–"Oh, hush.  I'm not saying.  Also, his eye surgeon has the vanity plate, 'I BALL,' which I thought was worth mentioning."
 

"Fascinating." 

–"Yeah.  Then we round things out with the frame story, which closes with morgue attendant cameos by Tom Arnold and Tobe Hooper and delivers one final twist."

 

"Nice.  This all sounds up my alley."

–"I highly recommend it.  It's out on a new(ish) DVD/Blu-ray release from Scream Factory, and I gotta say, it looks great.  So let me leave ya with one last sentiment, courtesy of The Coroner:

 

NIGHTY-NIGHT!"

 -Sean Gill

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Television Review: SALEM'S LOT (1979, Tobe Hooper)

Stars: 3.4 of 5.
Running Time: 183 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: David Soul (Hutch on STARSKY & HUTCH), James Mason (NORTH BY NORTHWEST, BIGGER THAN LIFE, THUNDERBIRD Commercials), Lance Kerwin (OUTBREAK, ENEMY MINE), Bonnie Bedelia (DIE HARD, THE BOY WHO COULD FLY), Elisha Cook, Jr. (THE MALTESE FALCON, ROSEMARY'S BABY, THE KILLING), George Dzundza (THE DEER HUNTER, BASIC INSTINCT), Geoffrey Lewis (BRONCO BILLY, MAVERICK), Kenneth McMillan (DUNE, RUNAWAY TRAIN, CAT'S EYE), Fred Willard (BEST IN SHOW, D.C. FOLLIES), and a very special appearance by Reggie Nalder (THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH, THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE, THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE). Co-produced by Sterling Silliphant (THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE, OVER THE TOP, TELEFON). Music by Harry Sukman (Sam Fuller's FORTY GUNS, John Carpenter's SOMEONE'S WATCHING ME!). Based on the novel by Stephen King.
Tag-line: "The ultimate in terror!"
Best one-liner: "You'll enjoy Mr. Barlow. And he'll enjoy you."

The mixture of Stephen King and prime time TV has often been a volatile, unstable compound, burdened by sloppy storytelling, questionable acting, and low production value (IT, THE SHINING '97, THE STAND). Thankfully, SALEM'S LOT is one of the better adaptations, and while it never quite achieves the height of pulpy excitement or depth of existential dread from the novel, it's still a fine entry into the pantheon of well-made 70's TV horror movies. That being said, if King's concept intrigues you, read the novel first– many shocking elements lose their impact upon 'TV-safe' translation, and the piss is taken out of several key and supporting characters (particularly in the case of 'Father Callahan,' a character so close to King's heart that he revisited his story in the DARK TOWER series).

Father Callahan, sans piss.


SALEM'S LOT dares to ask the fateful question: "Are all small towns evil?" and answers it with a resounding... YES! Even before the onset of vampirism, the little hamlet is a hotbed of hatred, perversity, abuse, and that particularly human shortcoming of 'choosing to look the other way.' But then, two visitors: the first is the mysterious Mr. Straker (James Mason)- an antique dealer whose partner Mr. Barlow has yet to make an appearance, though strange, coffin-sized shipments have recently come in to town. The second is Ben Mears (David Soul),

a native son turned successful, metropolitan author who returns home to write a novel about a primordial evil he sensed in the town as a child. And then the peculiar happenings begin...

Tobe Hooper, having wowed viewers and churned their stomachs with THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and EATEN ALIVE, secured the directorial reins, though at different points of development, George A. Romero and Larry Cohen were attached (and Cohen later directed a late 80's sequel!). Though the 'bigger budget/TV movie' feel seems like it could subvert Hooper's gritty, no-budget, cannibalistic terrors, he's still able to maintain his aesthetic and weave a few genuinely creepy moments throughout. One of his centerpieces is the "Marsten House," the vampire HQ and home to some sort of ancient, evil presence, the exact nature of which remains enigmatic even in the novel. In the movie, it was a $100,000 façade constructed over an existing house, and the result is effective, with shades of PSYCHO.

The interior is spot-on as well, with nice Hooper touches like taxidermy installations, walls of damp and dessicated wood, and a floor covered in- I don't know... rodent bones?

Some have said that Hooper was distancing himself from THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE by making this film, but, at least while we're in the Marsten house, at any moment I half-expect Leatherface to burst through one of the walls with his chainsaw, voice raised to the heavens in that unnerving, childish squeal!

Also, the infamous "window" scene, whose content or context I shall not reveal here, lives up quite wonderfully to its reputation of scarring teevee-watching kiddies for life!

–and it does it all with a fog machine and some wires: a far cry from today's overproduced, CGI-drenched terror tales.

There are some really nice character actor roles in here, too–
We've got noir legend Elisha Cook, Jr. as a hobo wine-swigging (wait, did he buy that from James Mason?), wide-eyed vagrant, who, in a piece of gag-casting, has an old flame played by Marie Windsor, his evil harpy wife from THE KILLING!,

Elisha Cook + Thunderbird ≥ Elisha Cook + Humphrey Bogart.

George Dzundza makes a psychotic appearance as a shotgun-toting, beer-swilling, cuckolded hubby who exudes Menace with a capital 'M,'

Eastwood fave Geoffrey Lewis plays a severe, deadpan grave digger who undergoes some...unnerving (and particularly well-acted) transformations throughout,

an extremely young Bonnie Bedelia brings more to the table than expected as the Female Romantic Lead,

a fast-talkin' Fred Willard plays a delightfully skeezy real estate-man (any connection with Renfield ends there) who wears some rockin' 70's plaid suits (and he's not just "zany Willard" here, either, he delivers a powerful performance in a scene with Dzundza where he plays to the barrel of a gun),


and finally, as the piéce de résistance, Reggie Nadler (the assassin from THE MAN WHO KNEW TOO MUCH '56) is reimagined as Nosferatu for his role as the demonic Mr. Barlow. He doesn't get a lot of screen time, but, as you can see, he certainly makes up for it in makeup and intensity.

(It must also be noted that this depiction of Barlow is completely different than in the novel, but frankly, I don't care.)

Alright, I guess that's it. I don't think I forgot anyone–

HMMMMMM?

Oh, sweet God- James Mason!

Hmmph...

Don't look at me with those judgmental eyebrows- it's too much to bear!

I'm not gonna lie. James Mason is my favorite part about this movie. Nobody does "SMUG CONDESCENSION" like James Mason. He floats in and out of the film, bending the citizenry to his will, killing children, and selling antiques at exorbitant prices.

You believe wholeheartedly that he views Salem's Lot simply as a village of trifling insects to be exploited for his nefarious purposes. And it's James Mason. I mean, if you're not kind of rooting for him, then maybe you shouldn't be watching this movie anyway.

JAMES MASON WILL SHUT YOU DOWN

Nothing holds a candle to the scene where he manhandles the Neanderthal police chief while being questioned about a murder that he did in fact commit. The police have confiscated one of his suits because it resembles a piece of fabric that was left behind at the murder scene. Smug condescension carries the day as Mason demands that the police not only return his suit in a timely fashion, but that they have it professionally cleaned before they do so. Then the following exchange takes place:

JAMES MASON: Ciao, Constable.
POLICE CHIEF: Chow?
JAMES MASON: Ciao. It's a familiar Italian expression meaning goodbye.
POLICE CHIEF: I didn't know you were Italian.
JAMES MASON: I'm not. The word is.

Then he winks, not once– not twice– but three times, in a coup de grâce of Herculean snobbery.


Bravo, Mr. Mason. Your senseless, bloodthirsty war on small town America will be long remembered- you've given patronizing elitists everywhere something to strive for, and truly you've won SALEM'S LOT: THE MINI-SERIES a special place in my heart. Keep on winkin'!

About three and a half stars.

-Sean Gill

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An Evening with Golan & Globus

Devotees of this site have long heard me pontificate upon the Cannon films of Golan and Globus, and recently, you've probably heard me prattling about the Cannon Films Canon at Lincoln Center, which I was lucky enough to attend on the weekend of November 19th. Said weekend involved the screening of many a Cannon gem (with the selection of arthouse films overshadowing the zanier flicks of the catalog). In my recent review of BARFLY, I wrote a bit about the post-screening Q&A, which involved Barbet Schroeder, Tom Luddy, Yoram Globus, and Menahem Golan. The next day, I was privy to a double-feature of RUNAWAY TRAIN and THE APPLE which included an hour-long discussion between Golan and Globus, and a sort of disco-themed afterparty whereupon these titans of cinema (and APPLE star Catherine Mary Stewart) were assailed by drunken blowhards and die-hard fans alike as the thrumpin' sounds of ABBA eschewed all traditional audibility. In short, it was pretty fantastic. So I thought I'd write up some of the more compelling moments of the evening and share them with the Cannon fans of the world. (And see the end of the BARFLY review as a sort of 'Part 1' to this article).

Even though I'd seen it before, RUNAWAY TRAIN is something to behold on the big screen- scraping steel, snowy vistas, blood and oil and grease and steam. The sheer, absolutely brutish intensity of Jon Voigt and John P. Ryan is mind-blowing- we see men become animals, we see animals become men. The unexpected touches of comedy are even better with a crowd, too- from insults about "your momma's farthole" to the swishy, hot-pants-wearing prison boxing ring cheerleader to John P. Ryan dunking a man's head in the toilet and telling him to "clean the piss off your face!" After the screening, Golan & Globus revealed that it is their favorite of all their films, and began a moderated discussion which jumped to and fro, from the serious to the absurd to the sublime. Since there was no true direction to the chat, I'll tackle random, salient points.

Golan (left) and Globus (right) during Cannon's heyday.

On Andrei Konchalovsky (Cannon alumni- MARIA'S LOVERS, RUNAWAY TRAIN, SHY PEOPLE):
–Golan said he was always demanding costly shots that ended up eating up significant amounts of the total budget, but then weren't used by Konchalovsky in his final cuts! These included a life-size electric whale on SHY PEOPLE and a barnburnin' flyby under a bridge in MARIA'S LOVERS. But despite some difficulties and even a helicopter crash on RUNAWAY TRAIN, Golan & Globus still sit in breathless amazement at the aerial shots Konchalovsky managed to capture. Golan: "I worry about this train in every shot– how did they do it?!"

On Tobe Hooper (Cannon alumni- TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2, INVADERS FROM MARS, LIFEFORCE):
–They had nice things to say about Tobe, bragged about the technical achievements of LIFEFORCE, and Golan said that he was 'too scared' to ever watch TEXAS CHAINSAW 2 in its entirety!

On John Cassavetes (Cannon alumni- LOVE STREAMS):
–They had troubles with his first cut of LOVE STREAMS. It didn't quite flow right, and felt a little long. They asked John if perhaps he could lose about 15 minutes. Instead, John added 40, insisting that "it doesn't matter because now it feels shorter." Of course, being relentlessly pro-director producers (even to the point of their own detriment, on occasion), they released the 141 minute long cut.

On Golan's ENTER THE NINJA:
–They bragged about the $1.5 budget, and Globus proudly proclaimed that "Menahem invented the ninja movie!"

On BREAKIN':
– Golan: "I was on the beach in Venice and I saw the black people doing a dance I have never seen before...and so we made BREAKIN'." Golan explained that he brought the finished print to MGM, who was to distribute the film in the U.S. MGM brass watched the film in disgust, claiming it was a "schwarze movie only for the blacks." Golan defended it with that patented Cannon moxie, and demanded another screening- this time with an audience of real people plucked from the streets, not just MGM stuffed shirts. Cannon secretly recruited street dancers for the screening who, once the film had begun, erupted into impromptu windmills, applejacks, kip-ups and worms in the aisles, wowing the excutives and giving Cannon the greenlight!

Globus on Golan (the two haven't been seen together in 20 years!):
–"There is no greater storyteller than Menahem."
–"He is a Globus, he betrayed and became a Golan!" (Menahem changed his name to Golan for patriotic reasons while in the Israeli air force in the late 40's.)
–"The best salesman in the world."

On their youthful days:
–Golan and Globus always loved movies, ever since they were children, but Globus never had any aspirations to actually making them- he just wanted to watch them (he worked as a projectionist in high school). Golan had some grand plans and instructed Globus to go to business school and return, and then they'd take the world by storm– and indeed they did!

On Chuck Norris:
–Golan: "We signed him to a seven-year contract. It was like the golden days of Hollywood."

On Charles Bronson:
–Golan: "He hated the press appearances and the PR"- but they made him do 'em anyway! –Golan: "I wouldn't say that he was a theater actor. On the screen sort of like a great fish." [I have no idea what this means, if I misheard Golan, or if perhaps in some roundabout way he meant to compare Bronson's squint and facial hair to that of a catfish?]

On THE APPLE:
–There was some amazing bickering between G & G about the exact budget of THE APPLE, they finally decided that it cost $5 million.
–On a serious note, Globus told the following story as Golan solemnly nodded in concurrence: at an early screening of THE APPLE in Montreal, the French-Canadian crowd booed the film throughout. After the screening, Golan was nowhere to be found– he was discovered on the roof of his hotel, contemplating suicide. He spoke with Globus, and came down soon after. At this point, Golan commented to us all: "Not everybody likes the movie." [Who could have forseen that thirty years later, he'd be presiding over a screening in New York City packed with psychotic, BIM-marked APPLE die-hards?]

On directorial freedom:
–Golan believed in complete artistic freedom, Globus, generally speaking, did not. On MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE, spiraling out-of-control budgets and weak dailies made Globus want to fire director Gary Goddard. Golan refused ("I have never fired a director."). Of course, the film ended up being a terrible flop and another nail in Cannon's coffin, but Golan still stands by the decision.

On television in Europe:
–Golan: "At any moment, any day, any time of day, you can flip the channels and find playing a Cannon film!"

On 'will they ever work together again?':
–Golan revealed that he's trying to pitch to Globus a new project, and perhaps, one day soon, we will see a new movie emblazoned with that glorious "Golan-Globus" banner! Globus sort of half-smiled and, while not ruling anything out, clarified that to say anything would be premature. Golan proceeded to explain that it would be a simple New York City story called THE SNIPER. Or possibly a romantic comedy called I LOVE MY WIFE.

On Jean-Claude Van Damme:
–Golan: "I discovered the bastard." Apparently Golan was eating at a Los Angeles restaurant when a young waiter, carrying three bowls of soup on a tray approached him. 'Are you Menahem Golan, the producer?' the young Belgian asked. 'Yes, I am,' Golan replied- whereupon young Van Damme spun his leg above his head without spilling a drop of the soup. Impressed with the limber limbs of the Muscles from Brussels, Van Damme appeared as an extra in Cannon films like BREAKIN' and MISSING IN ACTION, and later got his chance to star in BLOODSPORT, KICKBOXER, and CYBORG. Golan added that Van Damme took an interest in post-production and worked uncredited on BLOODSPORT and CYBORG as a co-editor!

On pre-selling (the process of getting funding for a screenplay before there even is a screenplay- sometimes it's just a few words scrawled on a napkin):
–Golan: "We invented pre-selling!"

On Stallone:
–Golan: "Ah, the arm-wrestling script. Sly demanded the highest salary in Hollywood. We asked around, what they were paying him. It was six million a movie. So we offered him ten. He did it. Once you're that big, you're working only for money. So we could snap him up to do our movie."
–Golan: "He had a fear of being kidnapped. His home had sixteen guards and seven dogs."
–Golan: "He was so scared of his wife. What was her name?" [someone yells out Brigitte Nielsen] Yes. She comes to the hotel where we are shooting. 'Where is Sly?' she is asking. Sly comes to my room and asks me to hide him from her. So I did."

On Sharon Stone:
–Golan: "Sharon Stone is our discovery. She was a nobody before us." [One must understand that the demeanor and delivery of the preceding statement somehow nullified any pomposity.]

On cutting costs:
–They invented the low-budget Cannon contract. Golan: "Why should an electrician be flying first class on a film with a small budget? We are eating sandwiches at the office, not going out on the business lunches." And so they devised a contract with the unions that insured protections, but made both sides admit that all Hollywood budgets are not created equally. Golan and Globus devised a system of VHS distribution and theater ownership that ensured their films would always have an outlet, and would (almost) always make their money back, no matter how poor the word-of-mouth or how outré the director. LOVE STREAMS, SALSA, TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2, PUSS IN BOOTS, POWAQQATSI and BLOODSPORT are not targeting the same audience– but, hey– theoretically, the same person might accidentally rent all of them!

In all, it was a fantastic evening. I got to shake Golan's hand whilst clad in a Cannon t-shirt. I got to see a surprise appearance by Catherine Mary Stewart (Bibi in THE APPLE, THE LAST STARFIGHTER, WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S). I was furnished with BIM marks and complementary beverages. And I got to see two Herculean figures of cinema reunited, and in conversation. This is about as good as it gets, ladies and gentlemen. Writing this, even a week or so later has got me excited all over again. Now I'm gonna go home, pull down a well-loved Cannon VHS from the shelf, and have myself one helluva evening. God bless Golan and Globus.

-Sean Gill

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Film Review: LIFEFORCE (1985, Tobe Hooper)

Stars: 3 of 5.
Running Time: 116 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Steve Railsback (ESCAPE 2000, SAVE ME), Patrick Stewart (DUNE, X-MEN, STAR TREK), Peter Firth (THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER, TESS), Frank Finlay (THE PIANIST, THE WILD GEESE), Mathilda May (A GIRL CUT IN TWO, THE JACKAL), Aubrey Morris (Deltoid in A CLOCKWORK ORANGE), possible narration by John Larroquette (uncredited and unconfirmed)? Music by Henry Mancini (THE PINK PANTHER, CHARADE). Cinematography by Alan Hume (RETURN OF THE JEDI, RUNAWAY TRAIN).
Tag-line: "In outer space they unleashed a force more evil than the world had ever imagined!..." Best one-liner: Lotta good ones. Maybe "The web of destiny carries your blood and soul back to the genesis of my lifeform." or perhaps "Well, I'm fascinated by death itself. What happens as we die, when we die. What happens after we die."

LIFEFORCE, Tobe Hooper's first of three collaborations with Golan & Globus' Cannon Films (the others being TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 and INVADERS FROM MARS), definitely seems as if it's the end-result of a ten-way tug of war that ended with maybe a 6-hour movie being cut down to 2.

I feel like Tobe wanted to both capitalize on POLTERGEIST and step out from behind Spielberg's shadow, creating his own work of intense visual spectacle and whirling, ghostly sci-fi FX.

I feel like Dan O'Bannon (and co-writer Don Jakoby) wanted to create an epic creature-feature in the mold of ALIEN, but with a sprinkling of RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (which had very similar corpse FX, and which O'Bannon released the same year).


Finally, I think producers Golan & Globus wanted a movie that'd rake in the big bucks AND feature a female space vampire who was constantly naked, and maybe remind people of SUPERMAN II in a roundabout sorta way.


In conclusion, it ended up as a mess that basically disappointed everyone. But it's certainly a watchable mess, and for that, I shall applaud it. There's a lot going on here: Our hero is Steve Railsback.

Kinda the poor man's Tommy Lee Jones, Railsback is one of those actors (like Christopher George), who makes such bizarre choices, that I honestly can't tell if he's brilliant or terrible. There is no middle ground: he's one of those two things. I just can't tell which. I'm leaning toward brilliant. He definitely brings a distinctive energy to the clichéd "waking up screaming" scene.

YAHHHHHHHHHHHH

And he dives into line readings like "LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" with genuine élan. At one point he emotes: "Despite appearances, THIS WOMAN IS A MASOCHIST!"

Actually, I think Railsback may be right.

and begins slapping her. Yup.

And I appreciate the sincerity with which the line ""We're deploying the specimen bag" is uttered, when we know he knows that the 'high-tech specimen bag' is just a cheap net,

and he knows that we know that, but he runs it up the flagpole anyway. Good show.

The soundtrack, by Henry Mancini, is a real head-scratcher. It sounds like he thought he was composing for a movie about Medieval jousting, not space vampires. The production design is very James Bond-ian. In fact, frequently it feels more like a 60's spy thriller than an 80's Cannon sci-fi. The editing is choppy and disjointed. It doesn't help that we have what feels like minutes of unwanted narration near the beginning (which suddenly disappears for the rest of the film's duration). The FX look great for a Cannon film. Blood blasts out of orifices and congeals into a sanguinary Jell-O woman who collapses on the floor with a splat.



A Go-Go boy-lookin' male vampire intones with a deep voice: "It'll be much less terrifying if you just come to me."

Giant bats, vampire zombies, matte paintings, umbrella'd spaceships-


it’s probably Cannon’s most ambitious effort. And for that, it gets three stars.

-Sean Gill

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