Film Review: THE HOLE (2010, Joe Dante)

Stars: 4 of 5.

Running Time: 92 minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew:  Chris Massoglia (CIRQUE DU FREAK), Haley Bennett (KABOOM, MUSIC & LYRICS), Nathan Gamble (THE DARK KNIGHT, THE MIST), Teri Polo (MEET THE PARENTS, MYSTERY DATE), Bruce Dern (THE 'BURBS, SILENT RUNNING, FAMILY PLOT), Dick Miller (THE TERMINATOR, GREMLINS).  Cinematography by Theo van de Sande (WAYNE'S WORLD, MIRACLE MILE).  Written by Mark L. Smith (VACANCY, VACANCY 2). Directed by Joe Dante (GREMLINS, GREMLINS 2, EERIE INDIANA).

Tag-line: "It knows your deepest fears."

Best one-liner:  "Nobody built the hole!  The hole has been there since the world's first scream!"

I had pretty low expectations for THE HOLE.  I had seen too many beloved 80s horror directors fall victim to runaway CGI, slashed budgets, and the other side effects of the digital era to think otherwise.   Joe Dante's last theatrical feature was 2003's LOONEY TUNES: BACK IN ACTION, and THE HOLE (despite being in 3-D) struggled to find distribution for nearly three years– neither of which boded well.  Furthermore, Dante's slight contribution to the largely terrible TRAPPED ASHES did not inspire confidence, but, dammit, I should have known better–  he did make it through two seasons of MASTERS OF HORROR relatively unscathed and emerged with one mini-masterpiece (HOMECOMING).  As to THE HOLE:  I'm sorry I doubted ya, Joe!

What we have here is a pretty solid "scrappy suburban kids versus unspeakable evil" movie in the tradition of THE GATE, THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS, SILVER BULLET, THE MONSTER SQUAD, and FRIGHT NIGHT, among others.  This being 2013, its success is largely dependent on three important elements of faint praise which in an earlier era would not even need to be addressed:

#1.  The kids are not too annoying, airbrushed, or overly dull.


#2.  Bad CGI is kept to a minimum.

#3.  It tries for a sense of childlike wonder instead of corporate soullessness uncomfortably packaged as "cynicism."


[As a side note, I hold it in a higher regard than another recent, commercially successful film that attempted this vibe (SUPER 8), and though that film succeeded at #1 & #3, it failed miserably at #2, its third act revealing the "monster" and becoming a muddle of groan-inducing CGI reminiscent of the TRANSFORMERS films.]

I've always thought that the best kiddie fiction (from ALICE IN WONDERLAND to CORALINE) involves some combination of parallel dimensions and child abuse, and Dante delivers on both fronts, presenting a more mature children's piece.  It's not as good as GREMLINS or EERIE, INDIANA, sure, but it certainly tackles child abuse with a degree of empathy and sophistication that's not often seen– I was recalling the subtle hints toward Simon's abuse in EERIE, INDIANA, the bonds between the boys in EXPLORERS, and the childish sense of menace in Dante's segment of THE TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE.

A few other things I enjoyed:

Corman/Dante regular and film legend Dick Miller's wordless cameo as an eyebrow-raising pizza deliveryman:


The bits with the POLTERGEIST/TRILOGY OF TERROR/CAT'S EYE-inspired evil clown/jester doll, who, for the most part (thank God!) is a bona fide puppet:



The twisted, cartoonish vibe  of the sets in one sequence, which recall the best of Dante's TWILIGHT ZONE segment, THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI, and WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT:

And, hurrah: the generally deranged Bruce Dern shows up to chew on some scenery 

as some kind of steam-punk, Christopher Lloyd-ish light bulb enthusiast named Creepy Carl who utters foreboding dialogue such as "Nobody built the hole!  The hole has been there since the world's first scream!"

You tell 'em, Bruce!

Anyway, THE HOLE is not a masterpiece, but it's a fun kiddie-horror flick that proves Dante's still got some grit, guts n' gumption left in him, which is good enough for me.

-Sean Gill

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Film Review: TRAPPED ASHES (2006, Various)

Stars: 2 of 5.
Running Time: 105 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Segments directed by Joe Dante (GREMLINS, MATINEE, EXPLORERS), Ken Russell (THE MUSIC LOVERS, THE DEVILS, ALTERED STATES), Sean S. Cunningham (FRIDAY THE 13TH, DEEPSTAR SIX, A STRANGER IS WATCHING), Monte Hellman (THE SHOOTING, TWO-LANE BLACKTOP, SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT III), and John Gaeta (visual effects supervisor on the MATRIX trilogy). With John Saxon (NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, TENEBRE), Henry Gibson (MAGNOLIA, THE BURBS, NASHVILLE), Dick Miller (BUCKET OF BLOOD, TRUCK TURNER, GREMLINS), and a bunch of youngsters who don't bear mentioning.
Tag-line: "Five tales of terror."
Best one-liner: "Alright, let's just tell some scary stories and see what happens."

I'm not going to beat around the bush: TRAPPED ASHES is not a great investment of your time. Part poor man's Roger Corman and part poor man's TALES FROM THE CRYPT, but polished and overproduced to the extent that it's devoid of any charm, TRAPPED ASHES is your typical latter-day horror omnibus disappointment. One of the primary warning signs is the script's incessant use of that distinguished rejoinder, "Whatever!" Yes, it's one of those. Those post-Kevin Williamson horror scripts that are a little too self-aware, pop-culturey, and self-approvingly contrived for their own good. The acting (aside from a few well-known character actors who acquit themselves admirably) is sterile, hackneyed, and often accompanied by cringeworthy accentuations like "You're a... FREAK!"

The frame story is directed by Joe Dante, and while it's nice to see Dick Miller's obligatory cameo,

things get bogged down rather quickly by an unlikable young cast thrust into the rather forced scenario of "strangers trapped in a room and forced to tell scary stories." The frame segment would be a complete bust if not for a deliciously nutty performance by Dante-alum Henry Gibson as as the tour guide/master of ceremonies.

Speaking in garishly hushed tones, his eyes flitting to and fro, his eyebrows curling with incredulity– Gibson's having a ball. And why shouldn't he? What has he got to lose.

He is milking this for all it's worth.

It's not quite enough to save the movie, but certainly enough for me to award the film an extra star or so.

Also, John Saxon is wandering around:

This is a good thing. But give him something to do other than eyebrow indicate.

Most of the segments are not really worthy of discussion- a few of the directors imbue their pieces with visual flair, but the scripts are not even worthy to be the dregs of Showtime's Masters of Horror. First-timer John Gaeta's tale of a sibling-parasite is unremarkable; Sean S. Cunningham's tentacle-porn and necrophilia-infused tale of J-Horror is about as klassy as you'd expect from a man who's always enjoyed hopping on a nice n' sleazy bandwagon; and Monte Hellman- one of the great maverick directors of the 60's and 70's- makes a valiant effort (but one which is ultimately in vain) on a by-the-numbers ménage a trois/femme fatale story called "Stanley's Girlfriend." It's the sort of thing you want to like, for Hellman's sake, so you're admiring the production design and the sepia lighting and pretending maybe you're watching NAKED LUNCH or something, but you can really only pretend it's holding your attention for so long. Loosely and seemingly arbitrarily, a young cypher of Stanley Kubrick is used as a character: vague references are made to PATHS OF GLORY and THE KILLING, exciting lovers of film trivia, but it begins to feel in poor taste by the time we get to his 1999 death and we're using it for a payoff involving vampires.


Saxon surfs the web.

But don't despair: there is one (mostly) solid segment. Now, maybe it seems better than it actually is in the midst of these bush-league terrors, or maybe it's because I'm a die hard Ken Russell fan, but "The Girl with the Golden Breasts" is the best of the bunch, and the only one to which I would award a begrudging 'thumbs up.' This tale of an aging (nearly 30!) actress who is surgically implanted with undead, vampiric breast tissue is no great shakes on paper, but Russell infuses it with his notorious attention to flamboyant visual detail and his bizarre, disturbing sense of humor.



At one point, CGI rears its ugly head or nipple or whatever, and the results are pretty mortifying, but if you're actually on board at this point, it probably won't detract from your overall enjoyment. It's especially vexing to me though, because Russell achieved a very similar effect in GOTHIC with a macabre puppet.

Anyway, it also helps that the lead of this segment, Rachel Veltri (apparently of FOR LOVE OR MONEY reality TV fame- yikes!) is generally more tolerable than her comrades. I think this is because she kind of reminded me of Mimi Rogers.

But before you know i–


Ken Russell himself as as the bewigged, besmocked, and lipstick-smeared "Dr. Lucy!"

Ending things on a note of utter lunacy, Ken Russell (here, 79) removes his smock and gives new meaning to the crass utterance "Show us your tits!" Whew.

On the whole, despite Ken's bravado, I cannot recommend this. Russell and Joe Dante devotees may wish to check it out (but be prepared to do a fair amount of fast-forwarding), and Monte Hellman devotees should just rewatch TWO-LANE BLACKTOP and call it day.

Two stars.

-Sean Gill

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Film Review: WHITE LINE FEVER (1975, Jonathan Kaplan)

Stars: 4.75 of 5.
Running Time: 90 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Directed by Jonathan Kaplan (TRUCK TURNER, BAD GIRLS, PROJECT X, BROKEDOWN PALACE, 40 episodes of ER). Written by Kaplan and Ken Friedman (JOHNNY HANDSOME, HEART LIKE A WHEEL). Starring Jan-Michael Vincent (AIRWOLF, HOOPER, THE MECHANIC, John Flynn's DEFIANCE), Kay Lenz (AMERICAN GRAFFITI, BIG WEDNESDAY, HOUSE), L.Q. Jones (THE WILD BUNCH, CASINO, BULLETPROOF), Dick Miller (BUCKET OF BLOOD, GREMLINS, EXPLORERS), Slim Pickens (DR. STRANGELOVE, POOR PRETTY EDDIE), R.G. Armstrong (PREDATOR, BULLETPROOF, CHILDREN OF THE CORN, THE FUGITIVE KIND), Sam Laws (TRUCK TURNER, WALKING TALL, THE FURY), Don Porter (YOUNGBLOOD HAWKE, THE RACKET), Leigh French (HALLOWEEN II, TALK RADIO). Music by David Nichtern (THE BIG PICTURE, THE SPIRIT OF '76). Costumes by Lambert Marks (MURDER SHE WROTE, THE MECHANIC, CATCH-22).
Tag-line: "Carrol Jo Hummer--A working man who's had enough!"
Best one-liner: "Don't sass me, you little sonofabitch!"
I had the pleasure of seeing this a few nights ago at the Anthology Film Archives' annual festival, "William Lustig Presents." Many reviews on this site, and indeed many of my favorite movies have been featured at Lustig's series– from ROLLING THUNDER to THE OUTFIT to THE STONE KILLER to DARK OF THE SUN. I urge anyone in the New York area to check out some of these flicks on the big screen- and you just might spot, wandering in and out of the screenings, that steadfast, jovial icon of gritty NYC and true soldier of cinema, Bill Lustig himself! This review shall take the form of a conversation in a squalid Alphabet City alleyway, populated by smoking piles of trash and busted-up, empty cans of Schlitz (and possibly continued from HERE):

"Psssst. Hey bud- you get a kick out those Weng Wengs I hooked you up with?"
–"Yeh, they sure did the trick. I still need to digest 'em. How'd you get your hands on 'em?"
"I got myself a French connection."
–"Oh, yeah? Well, whaddya got today?"
"Trucker movies, my friend. Rare trucker movies. Perfect for those hot summer evenings of chirping crickets and ice cold tall-boys."
–"You got TRUCKIN' BUDDY MCCOY?"
"Sadly, no. But I'll do you one better: WHITE LINE FEVER."

–"Keep talkin'."
"We got a 'docudrama'-style opening. A trucker being interviewed for the local news. Says he's beholden to the banks and the freight companies. Says he carries a gun in case they try and take his truck. Says 'You never know until you're put to the test.' Wise words... and you'd do well to keep 'em in mind. Next up- I love these 70's movies- we got a montage and family album style opening credits sequence. We get all the exposition we need in about a minute and a haff. Soldier boy Jan-Michael Vincent (as Carrol Jo Hummer) comes home to his sweetie-pie, Kay Lenz (as the newly minted Mrs. Jerri Kane Hummer). They're just tryin' to eke out a livin'. Carrol Jo picks up a rig named the "Blue Mule" (for kickin' ass, that is) and Jerri picks up some mind-numbin' employment at the Dr. Pepper factory. It's marital bliss for the 5 or so minutes before Carrol Jo is asked to sacrifice his principles by his handlers."
–"So what happens? Does he give in?"
"Hell, no, he doesn't give in, you shitheel! And damn you for thinkin' that he would. He mounts a fierce fuckin' crusade against the powers that be, from the crooked financiers to the low-down freight-haulers to the corrupt cops and evil shit-brickin' bastards. Some would call this a fool's errand, but if everybody kowtowed and bent over for The Man, we wouldn't have any of the finest films of the 1970's."
–"How's the cast?"
"'How's the cast?' How do you think the cast is?!- the cast is fuckin' great. Jan-Michael Vincent was one of the most promising actors of the decade- THE MECHANIC, BIG WEDNESDAY, DEFIANCE, HOOPER- you name it.

He's a likable presence, and you completely believe that he's the kind of guy who'd hang offa his rig with a shotgun, blastin' away for his God-given right to haul clean, honest cargo.


Then, Kay Lenz is cute as a button, and with a lot more fire. I mean, she was BREEZY for chrissakes- that's the title character in a Clint Eastwood movie!

Kay and Jan discuss family planning.

Then we got Dick Miller, playin' a trucker named 'Birdie Corman.' Did I mention that Kaplan was a Corman/Dante crony? Dante even gets his name dropped- a shipping executive is told that he has an upcoming appointment with a 'Mr. Joe Dante.' Anywho, Miller is great. He's wearin' an open plaid shirt that's so fuckin' big, it looks like a robe. He gets some borderline action scenes, and gets to flash that terrific head-shake/bemused smile look which says 'Damn, that kid's got guts!'
And did I mention Slim Pickens? When he first appears, he's wearing a bolo tie the size'a my fist and some flower-embroidered county western duds that'd make Merle Haggard blush.

He shouts "Well, bless my ass, Carrol Jo!" and immediately tosses him a can of Schlitz from his mini-fridge in his wood-paneled prefab office."
–"This sounds like my kinda flick!"
"Shut it! I ain't done! ...So Slim works as an intermediary between The Establishment and the truckin' buddies. Carrol Jo is a sort of monkey wrench in the works. Before Slim can say "Don't sass me, you little sonofabitch!," they're on opposin' sides of this struggle. But Slim might just have a conscience under that 10-gallon hat after all..."
–"Who else is in it?"
"Don't interrupt- I'm not finished with Slim yet. He gets a great scene where he's speeding down the highway, feeding his secretary-love connection chocolates from a junky drug-store's assortment. It's this kinda stuff that's worth the ticket price alone."
–"So how about–"
"Then we got L.Q. Jones. He's higher up on the chain than Slim. He was one of Peckinpah's favorites, and goddamn there was a reason for that. Here, he's an evil country shitball with a soul patch and a comb-over who lasciviously eyeballs his female employees like there's no tomorrow- and there might be no tomorrow if Carrol Jo catches up with 'im!"
–"Well you've certainly convinced me about the cast. But why do you hold it in such high regard?"
"Alright, listen. This movie was built, brick by brick, from real workin' peoples problems, frustrations, fears, and dreams. This is not some silly Americana shit, made by studio hacks who never really worked a day in their life. This is the genuine article.

Note the obelisks of Schlitz at the left.

The lifeblood is foamy Schlitz and Wild Turkey by the gallon. It's adorned with turquoise jewelry and peppered with more reaction shots than you can shake a stick at. It's dejected women sitting in an abortion clinic, staring at a poster that says 'Love is a fourteen-letter word: Familyplanning.' It's hot asphalt and stale, flavorless gum. It's truckin' stunts and men versus forklifts. It's men and women who are sick of bangin' their heads against the wall while some blubbery fuck in a plush office is gettin' rich offa it.

Plus it's got music that's kind of the unlikely love-child of the scores from DELIVERANCE and TRUCK TURNER."
–"Sold."
"En-joy. Make sure you got enough beers before ya start it, though."
–"Will do."
"And none'a them prissy beers."
–"Alright."
"You know what I'm talkin' about."
–"I do."
"Not even Coors. Coors might be too prissy for this movie."
–"I'll keep it in mind."
"In fact, Schlitz is probably best."
–"I figured."
"Or Lone Star. Lone Star would be okay, too."


-Sean Gill

Junta Juleil's Summer '10 Movie Series
1. HELL IN THE PACIFIC (1968, John Boorman)
2. KUFFS (1992, Bruce A. Evans)
3. THE OUTFIT (1973, John Flynn)

4. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981, Eddie Nicart)

5. A*P*E (1976, Paul Leder)

6. BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)
7. HIS KIND OF WOMAN (1951, John Farrow)
8. HIGH SCHOOL U.S.A. (1983, Rod Amateau)
9. DR. JEKYLL AND MS. HYDE (1995, David Price)
10. MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL (1997, Clint Eastwood)
11. 1990: BRONX WARRIORS (1982, Enzo G. Castellari)
12. FALLING DOWN (1993, Joel Schumacher)
13. TOURIST TRAP (1979, David Schmoeller)
14. THE THREE MUSKETEERS (1973, Richard Lester)
15. BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (1986, John Carpenter)
16. TOP GUN (1986, Tony Scott)
17. 48 HRS. (1982, Walter Hill)
18. ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO (2003, Robert Rodriguez)
19. TALES OF THE CITY (1993, Alastair Reid)
20. WHITE LINE FEVER (1975, Jonathan Kaplan)
21. ...

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