Junta Juleil's Top 100: #75-71

75. HANA-BI (1997, Takeshi Kitano)

Takeshi Kitano– one of the great, unsung heroes of contemporary filmmaking. Comedian, actor, novelist, director, painter, poet, singer, tap dancer, game show host– you name it, and he's done it. Do yourself a favor and read about his occasionally bizarre, occasionally incredible life story, which encompasses strip club stand-up comedy, a burgeoning art career, hitting rock bottom, a suicide attempt, rebirth, and a new Kitano renaissance. It's difficult for me to pick a favorite Kitano– amongst the films he's directed, there's SONATINE, VIOLENT COP, ZATOICHI, KIKUJIRO, and BROTHER; amongst the film's he's appeared in there's BATTLE ROYALE, GOHATTO, MERRY CHRISTMAS MR. LAWRENCE, and JOHNNY MNEMON– er, forget I said that last one. Anyway, HANA-BI (FIREWORKS) is presently my favorite. Kitano took up painting in a big way after his suicide attempt, and he often credits it as a factor in his rehabilitation and recovery. As such, painting is a central motif to HANA-BI, and there's a grand stillness in this film; somehow Kitano makes the act of soaking in a painting a kinetic, cinematic act. But it's not all tranquil musings on our own impermanence, it's also cool, calm, collected nihilism punctuated with sporadic, impromptu thunderheads of violence which would make Joe Pesci blush. In short, it's essential cinema.

74. DAZED AND CONFUSED (1993, Richard Linklater)

While it might be heresy to rank this film higher than its inspiration, AMERICAN GRAFFITI, it's so much damned fun, I can't help it. Talk about a movie with a high rewatchability factor– I can watch this film anytime, anyplace. But probably the best time is late spring or early summer, so you can duplicate, even vicariously (especially vicariously!), that ecstatic feeling of 'SCHOOL'S OUT FOR MUTHAFUCKING SUMMER!' The feeling of an endless (well, it sorta felt like it at the time), boundless vacation as you're jamming spiral-bound notebooks into the trash and purging the piles of lead-scuffed busywork from your locker– it's the ultimate cleansing, a feng shui of the soul! Linklater unravels his tale with the ensemble-cast storytelling acumen of a Renoir or an Altman, portraying a rogues' gallery of middle and high school types with playful honesty and complete sincerity. Nicky "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!" Katt's raging asshole townie; Parker Posey's shrill, hazing harpy; Wiley Wiggins' newly-minted high schooler with a penchant for nose-touching; the trio of lovable proto-intellectuals (Adam Goldberg, Anthony Rapp, & Marissa Ribisi); Matthew "it'd be a lot cooler if you did" McConaughey; a paint-bedaubed Ben Affleck (which is the proper state for an Affleck)...I could go on. Pass the Lone Star.

73. PHENOMENA (1985, Dario Argento)

There's not too much to say that I haven't said already, so I'll say it again:
"Jennifer Connelly plays a girl named Jennifer who can telepathically communicate with insects in this Dario Argento masterpiece. The atmosphere is exquisite- dreamlike, comforting, dangerous. Something about his use of the Swiss Alps, the rustling pine trees, the ominous mountain winds, and the over-the-top gore... it's a throwback to the original R-rated storybooks: brutal folklore like the Brothers Grimm. I love this movie. I love the fact that there is one line of narration in the entire film, spoken about twenty minutes in. I love that in that one line of narration, they mispronounce the name 'Richard Wagner.' I love that there is a chimp with a straight razor (in homage to Poe's "The Murders in the Rue Morgue"). Between this and SUSPIRIA, it is clear that Dario Argento loves maggots, retching, girls' boarding schools, brutal murders, and the volatile combination of all four. I love that he loves that. I love that there's not only ladybug POV, sleepwalking POV, murderer POV, and Great Sarcophagus POV, but there's also MAGGOT POV. I love that the supernatural is represented by fan-blown hair. I love that the ending somehow manages to be as abrupt AND more ridiculous than the screamfest at the end of TENEBRE. I love the inappropriate use of heavy metal, the baroque visuals, the viscerality, the Bee Gees & Richard Gere references, the charming and sympathetic Donald Pleasence (in spite of Argento dialogue), the evocative soundtrack, the bitchy teachers straight out of SUSPIRIA...in fact, there's nothin' NOT to love here. The only way it could be more ridiculously perfect would be if she made out with the chimp." Amen, Dario. Amen.

72. FLESH + BLOOD (1985, Paul Verhoeven)

Another sort of rehash here:
"I'll begin with two quotes by Paul Verhoeven which seem apropos to this film: "People love seeing violence and horrible things. The human being is bad and he can't stand more than five minutes of happiness. Put him in a dark theater and ask him to look at two hours of happiness and he'd walk out or fall asleep." and "Remember that Christianity is a religion grounded in one of the most violent acts of murder, the crucifixion. Otherwise, religion wouldn't have had any kind of impact."
A lot of people like to pin down Paul Verhoeven as 'the guy who did SHOWGIRLS,' and while he cannot erase the fact that he is indeed guilty of being the guy who did SHOWGIRLS, he's one of the most audacious filmmakers to emerge from post-WWII Europe. FLESH + BLOOD is Machiavellian power games, feculent whores, stillborn children, nun snipers, yellowed teeth, and dogs lapping up pools of diseased gore. This movie is absolutely BRUTAL. Every single character looks out for number one, and here, 'looking out for number one' means ripping an earring (and a chunk of flesh) from a woman as she's being raped or using 'God's word' when it's to your liking (Verhoeven has called organized religion a symptom of societal schizophrenia). Any time there's a moment for levity or genuine romance, it's immediately undercut by something like the rotting genitals or random carrion. It’s not exactly a historically accurate depiction of medieval warfare and the Black Death, and it doesn't quite take place in the 14th Century... sixty years ago it took place on the battlefields of Europe. Verhoeven was just a kid then, but he was there. As we speak, it's being waged by talking heads on TV, by hypocrites behind closed doors, and by vicious opportunists from here to the far corners of the world. Where an exploitation flick would insert a rape scene so the viewer could feel 'morally superior' as they enjoyed some T&A, Verhoeven stages sexual assault as a grotesque vortex of ever-shifting power dynamics between man, woman, and the collective. The performances are outstanding: Susan Tyrrell was born to do the Dark Ages- she enters the scene as a bawdy, pregnant, perpetually wasted whore whose life is a series of the highest, barbaric highs and the lowest, 'WHY ME?' lows; Brion James is pure animal, ruthless but bewildered; Ronald Lacey is the sinister Cardinal- malicious, but sincere (not that it matters when he's got his sword in your guts); Jack Thompson is the beleaguered hunter, embodying an almost Peckinpah-style morality (think Robert Ryan in THE WILD BUNCH); and Tom Burlinson is the man of science, but his singlemindedness gives way to a sanctimonious depravity. Rutger Hauer simmers and scowls- a calculating, towheaded, serpentine fiend, rapist, and murderer who might be the closest thing we've got to a 'hero.' Jennifer Jason Leigh- in possibly her finest performance- is a privileged, maid-beating blueblood who attends the condottiere's ‘school of hard knocks’ and emerges as perhaps the most complex and guileful of the bunch." It's nihilistic entertainment at its best, and my favorite Vehoeven (today, anyway).

71. MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939, Frank Capra)

A film which seems to grow in relevance with each passing year. Politicians love to reference this film in attempts to inflate their perceived "inner-patriotism" and vaunted "outsider" status, yet if there was indeed a real life Mr. Smith, soon after the events depicted in this film he'd probably be killed in a Cessna crash that'd be deemed "completely accidental." Oh, and by the way, it was written by a socialist who refused to name names to HUAC and got blacklisted for it (Sidney Buchman). Jimmy Stewart is absolutely brilliant as the callow, unsophisticated vacancy-filler with truthful eyes and hay behind his ears, and his journey perfectly illustrates how the powers that be have hijacked patriotism and hammered it into submission, recreating its twisted form in the new normals of jingoism, belligerence, graft, and corruption. Shouldn't we trust in humanism instead of the oligarchs' smear factory? Ah, well– I guess we're just doomed to repeat history, whether we can remember it or not.

Coming up next... silent film, Gary Busey, and what some have called "the most-hated film in the Criterion Collection besides ARMAGEDDON!"

Previously on the countdown:
#80-76
#85-81
#90-86
#95-91
#100-96
Runners-up Part 1
Runners-up Part 2

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Dario Argento, Rutger Hauer, 3-D, and Bram Stroker to collaborate

I kind of don't see how this could go wrong.

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Television Review: THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE (2005, John Putch)

Stars: 1.5 of 5.
Running Time: 174 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Rutger Hauer, Steve Guttenberg, Adam Baldwin (FULL METAL JACKET, D.C. CAB), Bryan Brown (COCKTAIL, F/X), Peter Weller (NAKED LUNCH, ROBOCOP), Alex Kingston (CROUPIER, Dr. Corday on ER), C. Thomas Howell (THE HITCHER, RED DAWN, SOUL MAN), Nathalie Boltt (DISTRICT 9, DOOMSDAY), Peter Dobson (THE FRIGHTENERS, LAST EXIT TO BROOKLYN). Directed by John Putch (THE BOY WHO SAVED CHRISTMAS), screenplay by Bryce Zabel (MORTAL KOMBAT: ANNIHILATION).
Tag-lines: "THE GREATEST DANGER IS ALREADY ON BOARD"
Best one-liner: "How do you celebrate saving nine people when thousands have died?"

How did it come to this? How did it come to watching a Hallmark original movie with a running time of nearly three hours on a Saturday night which I had not previously reserved for such self-flagellation? Well, I'll give you a reason: Rutger Hauer. You want another one? You got it: Peter Weller. Thirsty for more? Hang onto your hats: Steve Guttenberg. Bryan Brown. C. Thomas Howell. That's right- this movie is a late-career pit stop for the luminaries who helped bring us BLADE RUNNER. ROBOCOP. COCKTAIL. THREE MEN AND A BABY. SOUL MAN. It's a reunion for the two leads of THE HITCHER, an excuse to show us how much the Gute's been working out, and an opportunity for Bryan Brown to down a couple Singapore Slings and get paid for it (except there's no Hippy-hippy Shake or Tom Cruise wing-manning this time around).

A remake of the 1972 disaster classic (starring Gene Hackman and Shelley Winters, among others) which chronicled the overturning of a doomed ocean liner and the attempts of the survivors to escape, Hallmark's 2005 POSEIDON ADVENTURE does not disappoint. Oh wait- yes, it does. Despite the staggering talent lined up before the camera, the film manages only to be an awkward shitstorm of bad CGI, unbearable bit players, cumbersome writing, intolerable pacing, and bungled set-pieces which only serve to remind the viewer of the superiority of the original, a film held together by that incredible human glue called Ernest Borgnine.

Such a film as this does not deserve a coherent review, so I shall offer some semi-articulate stream-of-consciousness ramblings that we can pretend are well-organized speaking points. After all, I just pretended that Hallmark's POSEIDON ADVENTURE was a real movie, so if we all just go through the motions, perhaps we can salvage some of C. Thomas Howell's dignity.

A few observations on Hallmark's POSEIDON ADVENTURE:

1. The POSEIDON itself. Now, I'm not even going to get into how, in this version, it's terrorists and not a tidal wave that flips the infamous ship, but let's give some thought to a cruise ship that's all CGI, all the time. Not just when it's sinking or flipping over or exploding... all the time.

Note CGI moon.


AHHHHHHH

Was stock footage of a cruise ship that hard to find? Or even shooting new footage of an actual cruise ship? I'm having a rough time coming to grips with the fact that it's apparently easier to book Rutger Hauer than it is to find stock footage of a cruise ship. Although it gives renewed hope to my dream that Rutger Hauer will one day host a screening of BLIND FURY in my apartment.

2. Adam Baldwin. He played 'Animal Mother' in FULL METAL JACKET with a twisted joie de vivre that was so memorable, I would go as far as to say that the name "Animal Mother" is more recognizable than "Adam 'no, not one of those Baldwins' Baldwin."

Playing some sort of anti-terrorist agent, he wanders around the ship scowling with intensity, mumbling about "terroristic activities in this hemisphere," and growling lines like "Everything's safe till it isn't!" He- like most everyone else in the film- is giving it his best shot, but without trying toooo hard. I'm imagining a conversation between Baldwin and maybe a gaffer dude at the craft services table...

Baldwin: "You know... I worked with Kubrick."
Gaffer: "Oh yeh?"
Baldwin: "He took me aside once, and said, 'Adam...the art of film acting is in–"
Gaffer: "Could you please not double-dip your celery?"
Baldwin: "Sorry, didn't realize that Ranch was communal."
Gaffer: "Do you think you could get me Alec's autograph?"
Baldwin: "..."

3. There may be no Borgnine this time around, but there is an annoying kid with a video camera.


How is that a trade-off? Why you gotta do that, Hallmark POSEIDON ADVENTURE? Haven't we suffered enough already? Everybody hates that device in a movie when somebody whips out a video camera and then we see 'Video POV' - generally just the •REC logo slapped on the image, which doesn't actually look like any real camcorder's viewfinder anyway. Also, everybody hates annoying kids. So the combination of the two is certainly volatile. You played with fire, Hallmark POSEIDON ADVENTURE. You played with fire, and you got burned. (More on that later.) Even a good movie could have been ruined by this.

4. The ill-conceived "Sea Pass" sequence, whereupon the major players are introduced by their snazzy Photoshopped Poseidon I.D.s...

...no further comment.

5. 'Gute the sex bomb.

Maybe my memory's a little fuzzy, but I don't remember in POLICE ACADEMY or in THREE MEN AND A BABY or even in THREE MEN AND A LITTLE LADY the Gute getting naked more often than Keitel. I think it's a recent development. And I shall not judge: I mean, the dude has been working out a lot, apparently. So he gets a quasi-erotic massage from a lady who's not his harpy wife,

which leads to the two of them in flagrante delicto when the POSEIDON flips. He puts some clothes on to escape, and lo and behold, a sleeve immediately tears, revealing Gute bicep action.

It goes past the point of 'the director had a crush on the Gute' to 'it was probably in the Gute's contract.' And so the Gute joins the ranks of Keitel and Dafoe, which for some reason has me pondering how different ANTICHRIST would have turned out had it starred the Gute. More on him and his massagin' floozy in a bit.

6. C. Thomas Howell.


Looking pretty gaunt but still holding up well, I thought I'd be happy to see C. Thomas. E.T. THE OUTSIDERS. RED DAWN. THE HITCHER. SOUL MAN. TANK. The man made the most of the 80's. But something about his presence here depressed me. He does a fine job with his paper-thin character, but I think the disheartening element is how happy he is. He's exuding genuine peppiness. Vim and vigor. He is damned excited to be on set. No one else, not even the twenty-somethings getting their first "break" by appearing in this film are that excited. This is a Hallmark production. C. Thomas, you've appeared in enough quality pictures in your lifetime, that even if you're not at the top of the A-list these days, you should kind of be phoning it in for a Hallmark movie. Rutger Hauer is mailing it in, for godssakes (more on that later).

7. But how great is it to have Rutger Hauer and C. Thomas Howell chowing down at the same table for the first time since that diner in THE HITCHER.


According to the DVD bonus interviews, Howell said that "it was great to reconnect with Rutger." He also says "Hallmark stories are from the heart." I say he was still probably as scared shitless of Rutger as he was the first time around. Anyway, on a semi-related note, I'm pretty sure that this makes me the first person to actually indulge in THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE's bonus features.

8. Rutger, Rutger, Rutger.

I see you. I see you recoiling in horror at this movie. You know you're in the Gene Hackman role, and you know he played the part with a selfless ferocity that was downright electric. I know you know that you could pull it off, too. I also know that you know that you're in a Hallmark movie. And you know that I know that you're in a Hallmark movie. And we both know that you're phoning it in, and we both know that there's nothing else you can do. Fade into the background and hope people mistake you for the wallpaper. Live to act another day. In something like HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN. You are the true survivalist, Rutger. I salute you.

9. Peter Weller. Donning Grandma glasses and a captain's uniform, he plays his brief role with a soft-spoken old-Hollywood-style charm which sort of recalls, say, Fred Astaire?

He's solid enough, and doesn't wear out his welcome. But even if he were terrible, I don't think I could ever say anything bad about Peter Weller.

10. Bryan Brown, playing a Simon Cowell-esque celebrity.

You could say, "I bet it was easy for him to play the part, because he is a celebrity." But then I would ask you, "When was the last time I made a 'Rollie' Tyler reference and somebody knew what the hell I was talking about?" Regardless, Bryan Brown's always a lot of fun to watch, and I though I don't actually think he was wasted for the duration, I'd still prefer to think so. His character's got a young French wifey (Tinarie Van Wyk-Loots) who presents two problems for us:

#1. Her fake French accent is horrible, and #2. We have to listen to her overproduced, intolerable singing voice. I 'get' that it's a nod to "The Morning After" (the Oscar-winning song from the original POSEIDON), but that don't make it hurt any less.

11. Alex Kingston. I'm a big Kingston fan because of her role as Dr. Corday on ER, where she embodied that elusive combination of classy charm and smart-ass smarm.

Here, she's required to furrow her brow, look at a radar screen, and mutter shoddy faux-sincere dialogue. I hope she bought herself something nice with her paycheck.

12. THE MAW OF CGI FLAMES!!!

In goes the terrorist! Boo! Hiss!

Then, in a semi-shocking series of extremely judgmental events- in goes the massagin' floozy!


That'll teach ya, ya chippy! Mess around with a married man and you can taste the flames of the CGI inferno! Thank you, Hallmark. If you had let her live, the very values systems which guide our lives may have been tarnished.

I can't write any more about this. And because I can't quite focus on driving my points home, I'm afraid that it may leave you with the impression that Hallmark's POSEIDON ADVENTURE is not quite as bad as it actually is. It is bad. It is very bad. And it is three hours long. Hold that in your heart, and go forth.

-Sean Gill

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Film Review: PAST MIDNIGHT (1991, Jan Eliasberg)

Stars: 3.5 of 5.
Running Time: 100 minutes.
Tag-line: "Past Passion. Past Terror. Past Murder. Past Midnight."
Notable Cast or Crew: Rutger Hauer, Natasha Richardson, Clancy Brown (HIGHLANDER, BLUE STEEL, EXTREME PREJUDICE), Paul Giamatti, Tom Wright (EXTERMINATOR 2, THE BROTHER FROM ANOTHER PLANET), Guy Boyd (FLASHPOINT, THE EWOK ADVENTURE: CARAVAN OF COURAGE). Written by Frank Norwood (DRIVEN TO KILL, THE SURVIVAL OF DANA). Script doctoring by Quentin Tarantino. Music by Steve Bartek (CABIN BOY, SNOW DAY, former member of Strawberry Alarm Clock and Oingo Boingo).
Best exchange: "146 I.Q...." –"Ted Bundy had 150."

Before I even begin, three things: PAST MIDNIGHT is far better than it has any right to be. Second, I'd heard this described as a wanna-be Eszterhas, when, in fact- it's wanna-be De Palma. There's a big difference. Third, Quentin Tarantino did do a rewrite of the script, which gained him that nebulous "associate producer" credit, and yes, you can tell. More on that in a bit.

The main thrust is that Rutger Hauer has been released from prison after fifteen years for the murder of his wife and unborn child- a crime which he claims not to have committed. (And he's Rutger Hauer, so he's pretty persuasive.)

Natasha Richardson becomes his social worker and then a little bit more than his social worker, and breaks the fragile heart of Clancy Brown in the process.

But the thought continues to gnaw at the back of her mind...what if he did do it?

Now, to me, this sounds a lot like De Palma did a TV movie remake of IN A LONELY PLACE, and it was indeed the only theatrical foray by television director-for-hire Jan Eliasberg (CAGNEY & LACEY, L.A. LAW, SISTERS, EARLY EDITION, PARTY OF FIVE, et al.). The surprising thing is that it works. Well, at least until the third act. Some of you might be attributing this to the Tarantino rewrite, but I've gotta say most of the commendations belong to the actors and composer Steve Bartek. Tarantino does bring a certain degree of idiosyncratic dialogue to the table, and while it's immediately identifiable as Tarantino's, it doesn't quite qualify as razor-edged or quotable, per sé.

For example:
"Maybe Jordan isn't a natural born killer."
"I'm not a sex maniac! I'm not some Son-of-Sam asshole!"
"It makes Nightmare on Elm Street look like Charlotte's Web."
"What's the difference between a whore and a bitch? A whore'll sleep with anybody, and a bitch'll sleep with anybody but me."
"If we were to have this kind of an exchange in the joint, one of us would end up with a shank between the ribs."
"You can say 'maybe' all goddamn day, and I don't think you believe that."

Composer Steve Bartek's music is great- it's melodramatic, over-the-top, and punctuated with enough frightening strings to be worthy of Bernard Herrmann (or at least Pino Donaggio). One of the more bombastic, overdramatic scores of the 1990's for sure, and I've always said that anything which nearly approximates Max Steiner, even bad Max Steiner, maybe especially bad Max Steiner, is worth a few points in my book.

The acting is top-notch. Rutger Hauer is, as always, phenomenal. The entire movie hinges upon his ability to appear as 'the killer' and 'not the killer' at the same time- and by gum, does he pull it off.


There's a terrifying ambiguity to everything that he does, and in more than one scene, he tugs on the heart-strings while simultaneously creeping you the fuck out. He even gets to do a ridiculous (intentional? unintentional?) replay of the "tears in rain" scene from BLADE RUNNER, which makes this feel almost like a Rutger Hauer's Greatest Hits compilation, with bits and pieces taken from the Ridley Scott, the psycho in THE HITCHER, and the love triangle from A BREED APART.



Tears in rain

At one point, he's referred to as "white trash," which is, of course, a bit of a stretch, but he wears enough turtlenecks throughout to maintain his intellectual integrity.

Then we've got Clancy Brown, camping outside Richardson's house and watching the new lovers from his fishing boat with a mixture of jealousy and disdain.


He gets to wear some hideous early 90's cravats as well,

but that doesn't prevent us from liking him just the same.

Stuck in the middle is Natasha Richardson, who besides being caught in a love triangle with two of the best action hero/villains of the 1980's, has the difficult task of holding her own against a flashily-written and acted Hauer role. Naturally, she succeeds, and, in the end, does it with shotgun-blastin' panache.

But who are we supposed to be rooting for here? Clancy Brown or Rutger Hauer? This is like SOPHIE's choice. This is asking me to choose between children.

The Kurgan or Roy Batty? EXTREME PREJUDICE or WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE? This is sadistic, the way that you're toying with my emotions, PAST MIDNIGHT.

The lush, fog-enshrouded, overcast, and isolated Pacific Northwestern locations fit the material well, and on more than one occasion, there's palpable suspense.

There are some nice bits that are reminiscent of the best giallos, and a recurring device which involves a killer using a 16mm camera

which recalls Dario Argento's "black-gloved murderer POV" as well as the camera-spike killer from PEEPING TOM. We've got a solid enough early 90's thriller with enough faux-De Palma (never thought I'd say that) street cred and solid performances to make it enjoyable, but it severely bungles the ending, going for some boneheaded, 'Gotcha!,' clichéd action. Ordinarily, I'd be okay with that, but I think that it actually earned some complexity points along the way. It could have ended as a slowly racheted, chilling character study, and, given the caliber of actor, I would've been more than satisfied. Regardless: three and a half stars.

-Sean Gill

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Film Review: BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)

Stars: 4 of 5.

Running Time: 86 minutes.

Tag-line: "He may be blind, but he don't need no dog."

Notable Cast or Crew: Rutger Hauer, Terry O'Quinn (Locke on LOST, THE STEPFATHER, SILVER BULLET), Nick Cassavetes (son of John, FACE/OFF, QUIET COOL), Meg Foster (THEY LIVE, LEVIATHAN, STEPFATHER II: MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY), Noble Willingham (THE LAST PICTURE SHOW, THE HUDSUCKER PROXY), Randall 'Tex' Cobb (former heavyweight, RAISING ARIZONA, DIGGSTOWN, the WALKER TEXAS RANGER finale episode), Rick Overton (Franjean the Brownie in WILLOW, GROUNDHOG DAY), Sho Kosugi (REVENGE OF THE NINJA, ENTER THE NINJA, NINE DEATHS OF THE NINJA).

Best one-liner: "I also do circumcision."

Despite the fact that Japan's ZATOICHI series had persisted for 26 films and 112 television episodes, it took seven years of shopping the script to American studios in order to make this re-imagining actually happen. And the straw that broke Tri-Star's back? "He may be blind, but he don't need no dog." Yes, it was the profound utterance of that sheer Miltonian poetry which secured the funding: not a script, not Rutger Hauer, not Terry O'Quinn (or should I say 'Terrance O'Quinn,' as the credits do?). At least that's how the story goes. Maybe that's a good starting-off point: "He may be blind, but he don't need no dog." I guess I'm okay with that. Written by Charles Robert Carner (GYMKATA) and directed by Philip Noyce (PATRIOT GAMES, CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER), this movie is pretty much exactly what you'd expect. Closest in structure to the 17th Japanese film, ZATOICHI CHALLENGED, BLIND FURY is nonstop rip-roaring-Rutger Hauer-blind swordsman action.

He lost his vision on the battlefied in 'Nam. Bloodied and abandoned, he stumbled into a village where they healed and trained him for the next several years in the Vietnamese (?!) art of blind swordsmanship.

(All of this plot is finely condensed into the opening five minutes, though we do receive some additional 'Nam flashbacks as the story proceeds.) Cutting to the present-day, Rutger is wandering around with his walking stick, looking like a real goofball. Headphones, trench coat, backpack, sunglasses, and a silly red ball cap. It's quite an ensemble.

His stick strikes an alligator on the side of the road. "Nice doggy," says Hauer as he steps across the reptile and he continues on, apparently oblivious to his brush with death.

As events later in the film will later confirm, Hauer's character, Nick Parker, is so finely attuned to his surroundings that, even without sight, he can gauge how many men are in a room, envision what sorts of weapons they might have, predict a projectile's trajectory, and then kick/kill their asses with the blade hidden in his cane. This leads me to believe that of course Hauer knew that he was stepping over an alligator, and only said "Nice doggy" for his own personal amusement (and for the gator's as well?). We get a sense of Hauer in action as soon as he steps into a ramshackle Floridian bar and grill.

A local punk pulls the old "switch the blind man's mild sauce with the hot sauce" routine, and he and his buddies soon find themselves curled up in the corner, grasping their balls in pain, and wishing they'd never fiddled with cinema's most dangerous Dutchman.

A plot soon emerges: Vegas mobster-types dangle Terry O'Quinn from a great precipice (an image which may be of interest to LOST fans.)

Terry O'Quinn (as Frank Devereaux) incurred a vast gambling debt at a crooked casino, and the local criminal empire would like Devereaux, who happens to be a chemist, to basically cook up an obscenely large batch of crystal meth for them, presumably to sell on playgrounds or convents or wherever the most evil place to peddle illegal drugs happens to be. Well, right at this moment, Hauer- his old war buddy– happens to be visiting his Florida home. O'Quinn is in Vegas being tortured by mobsters at the moment, but since Hauer is a big fan of the drop-by, he decides to have some tea with his old lady and his kid. O'Quinn's wife here is played by Meg Foster (a.k.a. The Evil Chick from THEY LIVE), and oddly this isn't the first time they've played spouses (also see: STEPFATHER II: MAKE ROOM FOR DADDY).

She's also in possession of some of the most eerily striking eyes in film history. Maybe she shoulda played the blind person. Tragedy strikes in the form of Randall 'Tex' Cobb (as the redunkulous villain, 'Slag'), and despite Hauer's best limb-slashing efforts, he's unable to completely avert calamity.

Now Hauer is on the road with O'Quinn's kid, and the side-splitting antics– set to what sounds a lot like the score from DRIVING MISS DAISY– begin to ensue. As always, Hauer really delves deeply into the role. There's a hell of a lot of lip-pursing and brow-raising and eye-squinting, but instead of coming across as over-the-top, it's simply a means for Hauer to externalize our key suspension of disbelief– that a blind man can achieve near-supernatural feats of swordplay.

You feel the weight of it, too. While this film is certainly no stranger to slapstick (a statue gets Venus de Milo'd, etc., etc.), occasionally the script decides its time for a stock 'emotional scene.' Frequently Hauer and O'Quinn elevate these scenes to levels of truthful artistry which I can't imagine the makers actually intended (more on that in a bit).

Anyway, Hauer is en route to Vegas with the kid. They're pursued by mobsters who want to kidnap the child in order to more easily coerce O'Quinn into freebasing those mountains of crystal meth I was talking about earlier. Their dynamic is fun to watch, and will make you yearn for a less politically correct era of filmmaking. The kid is a dick. Always ribbing Hauer, trying to steal his seat on the bus, poking fun at him for being blind. But, as many a great Golan-Globus film has shown us, there's a great catharsis to be had in the depiction of a bratty kid getting his comeuppance. Just take this scene, for instance:

It's fantastic! Hauer and the kid facing off through a series of dangerous pranks tempered by vaguely offensive schadenfreude. Note the gleeful enthusiasm with which Rutger relishes the idea of the kid perhaps breaking his kneecap, the petulant gusto with which the kid tries to asphyxiate Hauer, the reversals of derisive laughter, and the natural joy we feel as an audience when Rutger regurgitates the rock and thwacks the kid on the temple.

Is it wrong to feel this way? No! It's in the service of a growing paternal bond between Hauer and the kid. How can that be wrong? It's beautiful! In fact, how dare you question their heartwarming relationship!

I will now pontificate on some brutal low blows of note.

Yeah, there are certainly quite a few of them in this flick. And most notably: an excruciating, skewering, sword-delivered stab to the nuts. I call it- the "Shish Ke-Lowblow."

YAHHHHHHH

More villains join the fray. Nick Cassavetes and Rick Overton, in a nod to Peckinpah, play Lyle and Tector Pike, two nefarious, bickering brothers who are essentially couple of Keystone Kowboys. "I'm gonna put that blind man in a wheelchair!" They kind of feel like they should be villains in a WAYNE'S WORLD movie, but since they're already here, let's just go with it.

Rutger Hauer- not a fan of THE NOTEBOOK.

Along the way, there's the best cornfield chase since NORTH BY NORTHWEST (or at least since PRIME CUT), a nettlesome wasp is sliced in two, a vexing eyebrow gets the cane sword treatment, and Rutger gets to blind-drive a van the wrong way down a one-way street ("Billy, navigate!").

Note the juxtaposition of Rutger's glee and the screaming passenger's terror.

Angered by the lack of progress by his dunderheaded minions who "can't even catch a blind man and a kid," the head of the criminal empire (played by Noble Willingham) demands Bruce Lee. "Bruce Lee is dead!," his flunky retorts. "Then get me his brother!" Suddenly, the one and only SHO KOSUGI shows up in his employ!

His origin is never adequately explained, so, as an audience, you're kind of wondering if he's actually supposed to be Bruce Lee's brother. Hauer recognizing him as Japanese after touching his eyes (yikes) would seem to debunk this idea, but this is BLIND FURY, so it's still hard to say.

Oh, didn't I promise to talk more about some real emotional stakes here in BLIND FURY? Well, here goes. The film begins to flesh out some back story for Hauer and O'Quinn.

They were best buds back in Da Nang, but a case of apparent heat-of-the-moment cowardice on O'Quinn's part may or may not have something to do with Rutger's sightlessness.

There. Now with that baggage, rethink Rutger's drop-by. Not having seen each other since the incident in question, one could imagine that their reunion would be a minefield of pain, regret, and introspection. But can you imagine that reunion in the context of a movie which has more in common with ENTER THE NINJA than THE DEER HUNTER? Well, I would say- never underestimate the indescribable pathos of Terry O'Quinn or the emotional intimacy of Rutger Hauer.

These freeze frames don't exactly do it justice, but you probably have an inkling of the virtuosity on display.

Anyway, it ends with a sword fight over a hot tub.

I feel like I say this a lot, but – shades of REVENGE OF THE NINJA? I mean, that movie packs in more jacuzzis per minute than any comparable martial arts film. Did Sho ask for the hot tub's inclusion, or was Noyce merely tipping his hat to Golan-Globus?

Anyway, that really sums it all up. Utter absurdity and poignant, impassioned characterizations collide. See it all in BLIND FURY.

-Sean Gill

Junta Juleil's Summer '10 Movie Series
1. HELL IN THE PACIFIC (1968, John Boorman)
2. KUFFS (1992, Bruce A. Evans)
3. THE OUTFIT (1973, John Flynn)

4. FOR Y'UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981, Eddie Nicart)

5. A*P*E (1976, Paul Leder)

6. BLIND FURY (1989, Philip Noyce)
7. ...

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