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Showing posts with label Bette Davis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bette Davis. Show all posts

Monday, May 20, 2013

Film Review: BUNNY O'HARE (1971, Gerd Oswald)

Stars: 1.5 of 5.
Running Time: 102 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Bette Davis (DARK VICTORY, ALL ABOUT EVE), Ernest Borgnine (FROM HERE TO ETERNITY, ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK), John Astin (THE ADDAMS FAMILY, EERIE INDIANA), Jack Cassidy (THE EIGER SANCTION, MR. MAGOO'S CHRISTMAS CAROL), Joan Delaney (THE PRESIDENT'S ANALYST, DON'T DRINK THE WATER), and Jay Robinson (SHAMPOO, Coppola's DRACULA).  Written by Stanley Z. Cherry (PETTICOAT JUNCTION, THE MANY LOVES OF DOBIE GILLIS) and Coslough Johnson (THE SONNY AND CHER COMEDY HOUR, SHE-RA, HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE).  Produced by Samuel Z. Arkoff (ROLLING THUNDER, THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES, DILLINGER '73, EARTH VS. THE SPIDER, THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN).
Tag-line:  "ENJOY those Golden Years with the most profitable pension plan any sweet little mother ever devised!
Best one-liner:  "SCREW 'EM!"

"Heya, bud– you wanna see a terrible movie?"
–"Not particularly."
"How's about a terrible movie with Bette Davis?"
–"I already saw RETURN FROM WITCH MOUNTAIN."
"How's about a terrible movie with Bette Davis and Ernest Borgnine?"

–"Well..."
"Look at 'em smiling.  Come on."
–"Well..."
"How's about a terrible movie with Bette Davis and Ernest Borgnine where they play geriatric bank robbers... who dress up as hippies and tool around on a motorcycle so as not to get caught?"

–"Alright, you win– now there's no way I'm not watching that."
"I thought so, you sick bastard."
–"So wait... what is this again?"
"It's a Samuel Z. Arkoff American International shit-storm that's so cheap and desperate and awful that despite the presence of major Hollywood stars from the Golden Era, it doesn't even feel like a 'real movie,' ever."
–"Uh..."
"Also, there's an overwhelming, zany harmonica-laden soundtrack and some chase sequences worthy of Benny Hill."

–"Er...what?"
"Okay.  So imagine this:  Bette Davis plays an unappreciated older mother whose deadbeat kids are allowing the bank to foreclose on her home ("THIS IS MY HOUSE YOU CAN'T KNOCK IT DOWN!!!"),

only one of the dudes tearing her plumbing apart happens to be ex-bank robbing legend Ernest Borgnine, and so he and Ms. Bette strike up a December-December romance and vow revenge on the banks."

–"He's taking her toilet?"
"Yeah.  And did I mention that one of said deadbeat kids is played by the legendary John Astin, seen here wearing a wicked, rainbow-colored 70s smoking jacket?"

–"Okay...?"
"It's anti-bank message is certainly admirable, and it really tries for a late 60s counter-culture vibe, but it simply can't escape the blockheaded 'geriatric BONNIE AND CLYDE' gimmickry."

–"Why am I supposed to be watching this?"
"Well, of course it all leads up to the emotionally satisfying and semi-nude payoff of Ernest Borgnine digging a bullet out of Bette Davis' shoulder."

–"Can I leave now?"
"No.  If you've come this far, you should at least stay for the finale, whereupon Bette hangs up on both of her needy children and utters the sheer poetry of...

"SCREW 'EM!"

And from the look of her expression afterward, I think it's pretty evident that this sentiment is simultaneously aimed at the filmmakers!"
–"Oh.  Uh, why am I here again?"
"I don't know.  Because we have no standards?"
–"Well apparently, neither do Davis and Borgnine."
"We all gotta eat, brother..."


 –Sean Gill

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Film Review: BURNT OFFERINGS (1976, Dan Curtis)

Stars: 3 of 5.
Running Time: 116 minutes.
Notable Cast or Crew: Oliver Reed, Karen Black, Bette Davis, Burgess Meredith, Eileen Heckart (HEARTBREAK RIDGE, THE BAD SEED), Dub Taylor (BONNIE AND CLYDE, THE WILD BUNCH), Anthony James (VANISHING POINT, UNFORGIVEN), Lee Montgomery (GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN, THE MIDNIGHT HOUR). Based on the novel by Robert Marasco (author of the Tony-award winning CHILD'S PLAY- no relation to Chucky).
Tag-line: "The perfect summer rental for the last vacation you'll ever take."
Best one-liner: "I hate this place! I want to get of here. I HATE IT!"

Sort of a proto-SHINING (it's a 1976 film based on a 1973 novel, and King's novel wasn't published until 1977), BURNT OFFERINGS is a fairly enjoyable specimen of both the 'gothic haunted house' and 'descent into insanity' subgenres. A family (patriarch Oliver Reed, matriarch Karen Black, kiddie Lee Montgomery, and wacky aunt Bette Davis) is tasked with caring for a mansion while its owners (a crazed Burgess Meredith and Eileen Heckart) are away, but they encounter an evil, Victorian presence which draws them closer and closer to the brink of madness. Directed by the legendary purveyor of horror television, Dan Curtis (DARK SHADOWS, THE NIGHT STALKER, TRILOGY OF TERROR), it's atmospheric, dark, and labyrinthine, but it never quite congeals into an effective film.

BURNT OFFERINGS is dreamlike. When one says that a film's atmosphere is "dreamlike," it's often the highest of compliments– after all, one of filmdom's greatest ambitions is to transmit one's ethereal fantasies and nightmares onto the tangible substance that is celluloid. So allow me to elaborate: "the movie was so dreamlike I nearly fell asleep."

Occasionally filmmakers, in the service of making a sequence hazier or more phantasmagorical, will use a soft focus, an overexposure, some vaseline on the lens, or some combination therein. BURNT OFFERINGS uses this on every single shot.

I don't know if it's the fault of the DVD transfer or part of Dan Curtis' original vision, but needless to say, it's a bit much. So I'm gonna go ahead and say it: the movie drags, it's often nonsensical, and in general it feels as if you're peering at the narrative through a pair of non-prescription reading glasses purchased from the Drug Mart clearance rack for $1.59. But all is not lost, by any means. There's still a lot of reasons to like BURNT OFFERINGS. Here are nine of them:

#1. Filmed at the historic Dunsmuir House in Oakland, California (where they also shot PHANTASM!), the location is spectacular enough to carry even a generic haunted house tale.


#2. Remember when we were hanging out that one time and I was like "Man, I wish there was a movie out there where Bette Davis got her sweet ass slapped" and you were like "Yeah, it's too bad she passed away, now it'll never happen" and then we both kinda looked off into the distance, feeling at once deviant and forlorn?

Well, for your benefit and mine, Ollie Reed took the plunge with kind of a grab/pat which is rendered all the more disturbing since he's doing it to his (in-film) aunt. Mr. Reed must have been big on the impromptu ass grab, 'cause he does it to Karen Black, too:

God bless ya, Ollie Reed.

#3. Speaking of whom, if there's four states of matter (solid, liquid, gas, & plasma), there are two states of Oliver Reed (drunk, and in need of a drink). I could bore you all with the equations and formulae, but I shan't. Just take my word for it. We get both kinds in BURNT OFFERINGS.

Exhibit A: Oliver Reed drunk.


Exhibit B: Oliver Reed in need of a drink.

Note the frustration and inner tumult.

#4. Continuing in this vein, we bear witness to the rare phenomenon of an Ollie Reed summertime belly flop.

Either, A. the man does not know how to dive in a pool, B., it was a specific character choice, or C., he was drunk. I'll allow you to answer that one for yourself.

#5. The creepy chauffeur. Glimpsed only in flashback, and played by Anthony James (of IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT, UNFORGIVEN, GUNSMOKE, HIGH PLAINS DRIFTER, etc.),

he's probably the creepiest element of the film. His death's head grin is quite unnerving, and his tall, skeletal form is remembered from a funeral scene in Oliver Reed's character's childhood. The presence of the Dunsmuir House and an eerie, gangly, villainous presence (at a funeral, no less...like the Tall Man?) makes one believe that this must have been an influence on PHANTASM (though I see PHANTASM as the far superior film).

#6. Bette Davis. She's better than this movie, and she knows it. She mutters remarks like "Old people- they do crazy things sometimes!" She berates other family members, and does it while holding a ludicrously long cigarette holder.

But she believes in a paycheck, even if it involves having her ass slapped by Oliver Reed. Horror fans take note: her righteous devotion to paychecks brought us such classics as RETURN FROM WITCH MOUNTAIN, THE WATCHER IN THE WOODS, and WICKED STEPMOTHER. We must not forget this.

Pass the sloppy lipstick.

#7. Ornery Peckinpah fave Dub Taylor.

He's not in the film for long, but, as always, he possesses that same old crotchety, grizzled energy that made him such a favorite in the Western genre.

#8. Burgess Meredith.

Whether it's a TWILIGHT ZONE episode, a ROCKY movie, or a scene from THE MANITOU, whenever Burgess Meredith is on screen, I am beaming like a proud parent. The man puts a smile on my face, what can I say. Confined to a wheelchair and basically only appearing in the film's opening sequence, Meredith nonetheless showers us with his completely insane, endlessly talkative, freakishly madcap joie de vivre.

#9. Karen Black.

Now, based on my SHINING comparison, one might assume that only Oliver Reed undergoes the caretaker-style descent into madness, but Karen Black really gets in on the action, too. Her brilliantly erratic, unpredictable talents that are on view in such dramas as FIVE EASY PIECES, BORN TO WIN, and THE GREAT GATSBY find an excellent outlet in the context of a horror film. She and Oliver Reed make for an amazingly volatile screen pairing–

it's a pity that the narrative itself does not manage to harness any of the pizazz which they're bringing to the table.

In the end, BURNT OFFERINGS brings together a phalanx of extraordinary actors to the perfect haunted locale, but fails to make anything truly interesting happen there. It certainly holds the attention, but for pure insanity's sake, I have to recommend instead THE SENTINEL, PHANTASM, HOUSE, or HAUSU; and for enthusiasts of 'melancholy horror,' I prefer THE CHANGELING, CASTLE FREAK, or ANGEL HEART.

Still, three stars. Pass the Coors.

-Sean Gill

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I can't tell you how happy I am to live in a world where this is not an April Fool's Day Prank.


You know, a 'Full Eclipse.' It's like a 'Total Eclipse,' except made for television. And is it just me, or is there some confusion about whether the guy on the bottom is 'evil van Peebles' or not?
I guess I just have Jekyll/Hyde stories on the brain, because


This is one of those movies where one day you're theorizing 'wouldn't it have been kickass if they'd done a multigender Jekyll/Hyde tale back when Sean Young was in her loony prime?' And then the universe course-corrects itself, and next thing you know, the VHS is sitting there on your lap. Also note: the googly eyes, mid-transition.


WHAT! Someone dares to rip off Castellari! Ye gods! Isn't there a law against that?! But I guess you can make anything cooler by sticking it in the desert...


No! Not Golan-Globus getting ripped off, too! But we can all take a deep breath, because this is the work of post-Cannon Golan. Whew.


I guess this is a lot like THE RUNNING MAN, except with leather daddies and the font from your alarm clock.


"Scott- get a little closer to Jamie Lee. No, a little closer. Closer. Close enough so her hair's in your ear. Hold it right there. Don't move. Now look really serious. Really stern. Come on, the stakes are really high. Perfect." ...and Bette Davis.


"So here's the concept: THE NIGHT PORTER." –"THE NIGHT PORTER plus what?" "Um. THE NIGHT PORTER plus bitches?" –"How about just one bitch." "Sold."


A lot of people know this one already, but again, let me remind you- we live in a world where it exists.


I've actually got a review of this one in the works. How can you go wrong with Rutger Hauer, Powers Boothe, Donald Pleasence, and Kathleen Turner in a movie about endangered birds?



Slow down, slow down...too many words! You had me at Holbrook.



SEE HOME APPLIANCES SLICE AND DICE!!!! ....PEOPLE!!! And apparently "three knives" now constitute a "home appliance."


I would like to point out that this pre-dates FRIDAY THE 13TH.


Another Joe D'Amato trashterpiece. I keep thinking that there's a hidden anagram in the title or something. And why have one ball with spikes on a chain when you can have three?



What do you say? What can you say? Well... I hope they paid you up front, Dennehy. Cause it'd be pretty recockulous if the producers snookered you by sayin' that "the check is..." well, yeah.


What, was Terence Hill unavailable? And if he was, why did they even cast Bud Spencer? It seems like the sort of thing tailor-made for DeLuise/Reynolds.



Paul Schrader directed it. Angelo Badalamenti did the music. Dennis Hopper stars. Supporting players include Eric Bogosian, Penelope Ann Miller, and Julian Sands, and we're coasting on the fact that one of five producers here (Gale Anne Hurd) has a tenuous connection to THE TERMINATOR and ALIENS? And I really think that "It's a new kind of evil as old as time" has got to be the worst tag-line this side of "KEN SAGOES, THE KID WHO SURVIVED 'NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3' IS BACK!"


Produced by, directed by, and starring Robert Forster. Co-starring his daughter, Kate Forster. If that's too much Forster for ya, there's a little Joe Spinell thrown into the mix just to spice it up. Did I mention that this movie didn't do so well?


I'd like to see this one- it's from the producer of THE TERMINATOR and ALIENS. 'Imagine WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT? with witches and zombies instead of toons." Okay, I'm imagining it. In all seriousness though- Fred Ward, David Warner, Julianne Moore, and Clancy Brown?! And did I mention that Fred Ward plays "Detective H.P. Lovecraft?" And why is a pentagram being hurled at his nads by what appears to be a boglin? Perhaps the most important question here is- WHERE DO I SIGN UP?



And on that note, I'll say- expect to see a few of these getting the full treatment on the site in the next few months...

-Sean Gill