Only now does it occur to me... ARGO

Only now does it occur to me...  THAT ADRIENNE BARBEAU HAS NOW APPEARED IN A FILM THAT WON THE ACADEMY AWARD FOR BEST PICTURE.  

Of course, I would've been happier if it was THE FOG or CREEPSHOW or ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, but hey, it's still something I never figured would happen.  She still looks great, too, as "Serski the Galatic Witch" in the fake film-within-the-film, ARGO.

Also, the film gets a few bonus points for having a blue Chewbacca (Bluebacca?),

 who I'm going to go ahead and pretend is actually Chewie's relative from all that Life Day nonsense in THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL.

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The return of Michael Ironside... on eBay?!

Longtime readers of this blog know of my deep appreciation of all things Michael Ironside.  So you can imagine my shock/delight/jealousy upon seeing this fantastic eBay listing for the actual sword that Ironside used in the masterpiece HIGHLANDER 2.  

I've written about the glories of Ironside in that film before (albeit in the context of a tie-in movie beer commercial) as General Katana, the irritable, ratty-long-haired, possibly alien villain of the piece.  Now I'm desperately wishing I had the $9,500.00 necessary to make this obscure piece of movie ephemera from a notorious bomb my very own.

You gotta love lasher33's listing, though:

"Have you seen the "Highlander Katana"?  Of course you have...

Up close & personal probably, because there are so many copies out and about it isn't even funny anymore...

The Kurgan sword?

Sure...

Strong & stylish & brutal & well... boring... (but that is just MY impression...)

There is, however, ONE sword that had it all: style, design, power, size and a nice twist...

Unfortunately, it was lost...

The battle was fierce, the clashes real and one after the other was destroyed until there wasn't any left.

Or so they thought... 8 were made, but only 7 were destroyed during the filming of the movie.

The sword Michael Ironside used in the fighting scenes of Highlander II: The Quickening has proven to be immortal itself.

Granted, the movie itself was erm... crap... and yet, the sword is the most powerful ever made. Period.

As far as I can tell, it has never been on display anywhere as I bought it straight from the guys that made it way back in 1991, right before the film was released.

Interested?

Remember: "There can be only ONE!"

Anybody who bellows "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!" in regard to a HIGHLANDER 2-related eBay auction probably deserves your $9,500.00.

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LOVE FEST Update!

I wrote previously about my new film GIRLS BEFORE SWINE, which debuted this year at Love Fest, but now there is an official Love Fest site whereupon you can view some of the other films in their entirety as well as a new trailer for GIRLS BEFORE SWINE.  Indiewood/Hollywouldn't also gave us some coverage here.  Stay tuned!

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Film Review: DISORDERLIES (1987, Michael Schultz)

Stars: 4 of 5.

Running Time: 86 minutes.

Notable Cast or Crew:  Starring The Fat Boys (Mark Morales, Darren Robinson, & Damon Wimbley), Anthony Geary (FISH TANK, BLOOD SABBATH), Tony Plana (VALLEY GIRL, JFK, UGLY BETTY), Marco Rodriguez (COBRA, THE CROW), and Ralph Bellamy (HIS GIRL FRIDAY, ROSEMARY'S BABY, THE WOLF MAN).  Written by Mitchell Klebanoff and Mark Feldberg (BEVERLY HILLS NINJA).  Directed by Michael Schultz (THE LAST DRAGON, CAR WASH).  Featuring music by Bon Jovi, Bananarama, The Fat Boys, Ca$hflow, and The Art of Noise.

Tag-line: "Lapping up luxury and rapping up a storm!"

Best one-liner:  Every... single... line.

[TO PROPERLY READ THIS REVIEW, BEGIN BEAT-BOXING NOW]

The Fat Boys are back

And you know they can never be whack

The Fat Boys are back

As thespians they've a natural knack

To film goers they had nothin' to prove

Cause they stole our hearts already with the masterpiece KRUSH GROOVE

Disorderly orderlies with skills you can't dismiss

They say "Let's do this like Brutus... or maybe (Jerry) Lewis"

A gold-diggin' son sprouts an scheme quite cockamamie

Holy shit,  his dad is played by Ralph Bell-amy!?

Anyway the son, he wants his wealthy dad dead

So he hires on the Fat Boys to nurse him in his bed


Son leaves 'em alone because he's content
That sooner or later dad'll meet with an acc-i-dent

With Hawaiian shirts and Davy Crockett hats
The Boys aren't quite ready for tuxedos and spats

First they play poker, ante-in' up with his pills

Then they get the idea for some Bellamy cheap-thrills!

You think he's gonna hate it at the roller discoteque

But he ends up fittin' perfect, like a cassette fits a deck!

The Fat Boys are back

And you know they can never be whack

The Fat Boys are back

As thespians they've a natural knack

There's a Fuller-style WHITE DOG who needs to be fought

Whoa!  Social commentary!  Who woulda thought?

Hey– Remember when COBRA was drinkin' the beer

and told this guy "Go ahead, I don't shop here"

Well that Cannon Film baddie of Golan n' Globus

Shows up here with his same old sour puss

He could maybe even pass for– well he could almos' 

STAND AND DELIVER like a poor man's Ol-mos

The Fat Boys are back

And you know they can never be whack

The Fat Boys are back

As thespians they've a natural knack

Dressed to the nine

Scottish pine

Fine red wine...

CON-GA LINE!

They're livin' the high life cause they're such good guys

Hell, I think the Fat Boys rate a Nobel Prize

Well to the evil son that don't mean a thing

Who I forgot to mention looks a lot like Sting

He assaults dad's mansion 'stead of eatin' some crow

And the denouement seems culled from a RAMBO

The baddies get Krushed by the weight o' the boys

Even in combat they've got a natural poise

It gets real zany n' there's a fire jet of flame

but dontcha worry kiddies cause we end on a freeze-frame!

The Fat Boys are back

And you know they can never be whack

The Fat Boys are back

As thespians they've a natural knack

[END BEAT-BOXING NOW]

-Sean Gill

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FRESH PISS at the Atlanta Film Festival

Fresh Piss, which has played previously at Bideodromo in Bilbao, Spain, and won the 2012 "Best Transgression Short" at the PollyGrind Film Festival in Las Vegas will be appearing this March at the prestigious, Oscar-qualifying Atlanta Film Festival.  For those in the area, it will screen as a part of the "Unconventional Shorts" program on Saturday, March 23rd, at 8:00 p.m. at the Plaza Theatre (1049 Ponce De Leon Ave. NE) in the Poncey-Highland neighborhood of Atlanta.  Tickets and more information are available here.

The film is described thusly:  "A nasty little scene, set in a cesspool. A nefarious, masked man hires two fun-loving, Thunderbird-swilling hobos to assist him in a specialized task."  It's dark, political, and features a curious combination of masked men and ventriloquist's dummies.  It stars John Sellers, Isaiah Piper, Astrid Ferrari, Scooter Pie, and Eric Schmalenberger, and was written, shot, edited, and directed by Sean Gill.

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Only now does it occur to me... THE PIRATE

Only now does it occur to me...  that Gene Kelly has an enthusiasm for explosions that may even surpass Michael Bay's!
 
 
These undeniably insane screen captures come from one of the musical numbers in THE PIRATE, directed by Vincente Minnelli (Liza's dad).  Gene Kelly and Robert Alton were the "dance directors," however, which leads me to believe that this sensational frenzy of pyrotechnics may have been Kelly's brainchild.  He gyrates, kicks, fires pistols, twirls a sword, stabs with a spear, and tosses torches that detonante on impact like Molotov cocktails.

All of this while a flurry of explosions erupt in the not-so-distant background, curling into dangerous mushroom clouds of flame.  I find myself wishing that Jean-Claude Van Damme had been around for the Louis B. Mayer era.  Oh, well.

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Only now does it occur to me... LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD

Only now does it occur to me...  that the Willis vs. Schwarzenegger "rivalry" runs deeper than the EXPENDABLES.

I've followed the semi-fictitious "rivalries" between action stars on this site such as "Bronson vs. Eastwood" and "Schwarzenegger vs. Stallone," rivalries that pop up probably due to the actors being up for the same roles and generally expressing themselves in onscreen, good-natured ribbing and obscure references for the benefit of the diehards (no pun intended).  Being as they'd never really taken the spotlight together, I assumed that the Schwarzenegger vs. Willis jocularity in EXPENDABLES 1 & 2 was manufactured for the series, and befit their "major star in bit part" pairing.   Now, that I stand back and look at it from afar, it seems this "feud" has been brewing for years.

I got to thinking, and began to wonder– John McTiernan made DIE HARD and THE LAST ACTION HERO.  Willis had even worked with Shane Black's writing before on THE LAST BOY SCOUT.  Was Willis jealous that he wasn't 'the Last Action Hero?'  And afterward, when its financial losses became apparent, was Schwarzenegger peeved that it hadn't been Willis in the role?  Did Willis gloat?  That seems like something he would do.  Did Schwarzenegger mock him for his "Bruno" musical career and those Seagram's Golden Wine Coolers ads?  The possibilities are endless.  Of course, that's just speculation.  But look at this:

Willis, Schwarzenegger, and Stallone appearing together on British television in 1993.  Notable for  their spectacular 1993 fashions (for instance, Stallone's Planet Hollywood baggy stonewashed jean vest and Schwarzenegger's Hawaiian shirt that proves that he's actually playing 'himself' in TWINS),

Willis' clear but thinly veiled distaste for the host (Terry Wogan),

Stallone's insistence that he does not deliver one-liners well (ask COBRA about that!), the special presumably drunken appearance by Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith,

 Wogan's creepy request that Willis show off his left breast

as well as Wogan forcing him to awkwardly talk about INDECENT PROPOSAL in terms of Demi Moore and his personal life, and finally the simultaneously childlike and depraved way Arnold's eyes light up when INDECENT PROPOSAL is discussed, as if the idea of asking a woman to sleep with him for a million dollars is just then hatching in his mind.

In short, this is magnificent.

Anyway, now knowing that their friendship and rivalry has existed for many years, that brings me to the actual point of this entry.  Which is that in LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD, Bruce Willis (while protecting Justin Long from the bad guys)




takes out a TERMINATOR (figurine) as collateral damage and smirks about it!  If that ain't a shot across the bow, I don't know what is!


As a side note, I only rewatched LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD (4) in order to pump myself up for seeing A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD (5) in theaters.  Though not horrible, seeing DIE HARD 4 again sufficiently disheartened me to the extent that I think I'm gonna wait on 5 for DVD.  Ah, well.

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